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  • Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (1989)

    Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (1989)

    [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]While better known for writing the romantic comedy Pretty Woman, J. F. Lawton struggled in LA back in the day. The son of famous novelist and journalist Harry Lawton, J. F. got his first taste of filmmaking in his childhood. In 1969, his father’s book was adapted into the film Tell Them Willie Boy is Here, starring Robert Redford. J. F. got to visit the set and was mesmerized by the filmmaking process, and decided to become a screenwriter. After graduating from California State University, he moved to Los Angeles and lived in one of the city’s roughest areas. While trying to find work, Lawton met producer Charles Band, struggling to keep Empire Pictures alive despite the mounting debts. With Band, Lawton got the opportunity to direct his directorial debut, shot in his hometown of Riverside. The result was 1989’s Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death.

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    Synopsis

    Margo Hunt (Shannon Tweed) is a professor at Spritzer College that teaches feminist studies and advocates for gender equality. The US government recruits her to travel to the mysterious Avocado Jungle and contact a female tribe, The “Piranha Women.” These women tend to have sex with men, kill them, and eat them as part of a sacrificial ritual. Though reluctant, Hunt agrees to go, but one of her students Bunny (Karen Mistal), insists that she go too. Before embarking on their journey, they need a guide and hire Jim (Bill Maher), a chauvinist ex-lover of Hunt’s. They eventually stumble upon the Piranha Women and meet their leader as they make their way through the jungle. Their leader is Dr. Kurtz (Adrienne Barbeau), a former colleague of Hunt’s who the government also sent before going MIA. What follows are explorations of feminism and gender politics, all in the name of avocados.

     

    Review

    Much like Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, this is a film with quite a catchy title. However, while the former was more what you’d expect, this tries to be much more intelligent and offer some satire. For the most part, it works, but a lack of budget hampers it from being much more. Shannon Tweed, who was 1982’s Playmate of the Year, is funny as the sharp-witted feminist teacher trying to maintain independence. Karen Mistal does come off slightly annoying as the overly ditzy and stereotypical valley girl, but she has her moments. While I’m sure he’d rather people forget about his performance, Bill Maher is appropriately cocky and arrogant in his role. Though she has limited screen time, it’s always lovely to see Adrienne Barbeau pop up in these low-budget shlock films. Plus, the score by Carl Dante is surprisingly catchy and well-orchestrated.

    The film’s satire might put some people off, but it doesn’t diminish the overall goofy nature of the movie. There’s a tribe of women that are literal “man-eaters,” a braggadocious male lead who’s also incompetent, and much more. The film’s set-up revolving around an avocado shortage is so absurd that it must be intentional. What makes the satire work is that the filmmakers poke fun of both groups rather than siding one group over another. While there are plenty of jokes about men and toxic masculinity, there are just as many jokes about feminism. Unfortunately, the lack of a decent budget ultimately hurts the film, though it’s not surprising given Charles Band’s involvement. Still, the fact that they’re filming in the forest near Lawton’s college adds to the movie’s campy charm. Overall, Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death is silly, but it’s more intelligent than you’d expect.

     

    Buy Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death from:

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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    Where to watch Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (1989)

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  • Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)

    Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)

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    Though it made nearly $230 million on a $144 million budget, the Ghostbusters reboot was considered a flop. Combined with its mixed reception, the studio decided to cancel plans to develop a sequel. In early 2019, the studio announced a new film that would follow the events of the original two films. Original director Ivan Reitman would serve as a producer while his son Jason Reitman would be directing. Jason gained much attention in Hollywood for critical darlings like Thank You For Smoking, Juno, and Up in the Air. He was determined to make a film that respected his father’s originals while appealing to a new generation. After a 68-day shoot, the film initially had a July 2020 release planned but was delayed due to COVID-19. Following numerous delays, Ghostbusters: Afterlife finally saw its theatrical release in November of 2021.

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    Synopsis

    After being evicted, Callie (Carrie Coon) and her kids Phoebe (Grace Mckenna) and Trevor (Finn Wolfhard) move to Summerville. It turns out that Callie’s father had passed away and left them a dilapidated farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. They try making the most of their situation, Trevor getting a job at a diner and Phoebe attending summer school. While checking out the house, Phoebe and Trevor find the PKE Meter and Ecto-1, learning more about their grandfather. It turns out their grandfather was Egon Spengler, one of the Ghostbusters who mysteriously left everything behind. Phoebe learns more thanks to her teacher Gary (Paul Rudd), studying a series of earthquakes in the town. Soon enough, some paranormal activity starts happening, and there’s something bigger happening than just some earthquakes going on. Phoebe, Trevor, and her friend Podcast (Logan Kim) must save the world, but they’re going to need some help.

     

    Review

    Since the release of Ghostbusters II, people had been clamoring for another entry in the series. With this in mind and his dad was overseeing the production, Jason Reitman had to deliver to satisfy the fans. Thankfully, I’m happy to report that Ghostbusters: Afterlife is a proper follow-up that respects the original while doing something new. This one goes for something much smaller and family-focused rather than repeating the same plot similar to the reboot. Not only that, but this film does a great job introducing new characters for new audiences without alienating long-time fans. Mckenna Grace is fantastic as Phoebe, an impossibly bright 12-year-old who’s weirdly likable with her dad jokes and dry delivery. As always, Paul Rudd is funny and loveable as the kindly teacher, though he’s not in the film much. Admittedly, Logan Kim comes off slightly annoying, but I eventually warmed up to him.

    Unfortunately, despite Finn Wolfhard and his love interest Celeste O’Connor giving good performances, there’s not much to their characters. Many critics have been dismissive of the film’s “fan service,” but I think the filmmakers got it just right. Rather than beating you over the head with references, this uses fan service and nostalgia to complement the story. Without going into spoilers, there’s one aspect that, if handled another way, would’ve come off as being in bad taste. Thankfully, it’s done respectfully and tugs at the heartstrings without feeling manipulative, though a moment early on made me nervous. While Jason Reitman is known for doing independent character-driven movies, he does a good job directing a big-budget blockbuster. Some pretty exciting action sequences, particularly a chase scene throughout the town, left me on the edge of my seat. Overall, Ghostbusters: Afterlife is a worthy successor to the supernatural comedy classic.

     

    Buy tickets to see Ghostbusters: Afterlife in theaters from Fandango: https://fandan.co/3co17VR.

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  • Ghostbusters (2016)

    Ghostbusters (2016)

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    Despite being the eighth highest-grossing film of 1989, Columbia considered Ghostbusters II a critical and commercial failure. Because of this, plans for a third entry stalled, though talks of another film popped up over the years. While most everyone was on board, Bill Murray was very reluctant about returning, given how lackluster the second installment was. Several writers tossed numerous scripts, but eventually, the studio chose to reboot the franchise primarily due to Murray’s reluctance. After Harold Ramis’ passing in 2014, Ivan Reitman stayed as a producer while the studio decided Paul Feig to direct. Unfortunately, the reboot was under fire due to Feig’s insistence on an all-female cast, casting a shadow on the production. While plenty of hardened fans were disappointed by the changes, many of the people involved labeled them “entitled” and “misogynist.” Finally, in July of 2016, the dreaded reboot of Ghostbusters made its way into theaters.

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    Synopsis

    Erin Gilbert (Kristen Wiig) is a professor at Columbia University who has been trying to make tenure for years. Unfortunately, someone uncovers an old book she wrote about ghosts with her former partner Abby Yates (Melissa McCarthy). She ends up going with Abby and her partner Jillian Holtzmann (Kate McKinnon), to investigate the Aldridge Mansion. While there, they encounter a ghost and post a vlog declaring that ghosts exist, but they all get fired. Despite the firing, they decide to set up on top of a Chinese restaurant and start a business catching ghosts. Former MTA staffer Patty Tolan (Leslie Jones) joins them after seeing ghosts in the New York subway. It turns out the recent surge of spirits is because of disgruntled hotel employee Rowan North (Neil Casey). He plans on bringing about the apocalypse, but will our female Ghostbusters be able to save the world?

     

    Review

    The 2016 Ghostbusters isn’t one of the worst movies ever made, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good movie. Even as its own thing, this is a comedy where almost none of the jokes land, and it’s embarrassing. The biggest issue is that none of the actresses know when to stop and are just rambling. It feels like Paul Feig thought they were so funny that anything they came up with was gold. There’s nothing wrong with actors adlibbing, but there comes the point where they have to stick to the script. Granted, it doesn’t help when the actresses are just playing exaggerated versions of characters from the original. For instance, Kate McKinnon is playing the Egon Spengler role if you dialed the quirkiness to 11. She’s having fun with the part, but it starts to get irritating very quickly, much like the other cast members.

    Honestly, I found Chris Hemsworth to be the funniest one, perfectly fitting the role of the loveable lunkhead. I can’t say the same for Neil Casey, who plays every single stereotypical basement-dwelling self-proclaimed intellectual you’ve ever seen. That’s not even getting into the cameos from the original cast, most of whom look downright embarrassed to be here. Also, it says something when the effects in the 1984 film have more creativity than the CGI cartoons shown here. For the record, the idea of an all-female Ghostbusters movie isn’t necessarily terrible, but it could’ve been so much better. This film might’ve turned out decent with a better script and a director who cared about the source material. Instead, it’s a black stain on a beloved franchise that audiences will quickly forget while the originals remain. Overall, the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot should’ve stayed in the containment unit instead of being set free.

     

    Buy Ghostbusters on Amazon: https://amzn.to/303mTfe.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at no additional cost, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and make a purchase.

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    Where to watch Ghostbusters (2016)

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  • Pink Flamingos (1972)

    Pink Flamingos (1972)

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    Growing up in Baltimore with a fire-protection equipment manufacturer and a devout Catholic, John Waters led an odd life. At age seven, Waters was staging violent puppet shows and secretly watching cheap drive-in flicks through binoculars. Waters first got his inspiration to pursue cinema after seeing The Wizard of Oz at a young age. His first venture in filmmaking was a short film in 1964 called Hag in a Black Leather Jacket. Over the next few years, he developed an acting troupe called “The Dreamlanders,” similar to Andy Warhol’s superstars. The star of the company was Harris Glenn Milstead, better known as the drag queen performer Divine. Together, they made several low-budget films that pushed many boundaries and were as gross and offensive as possible. After making Mondo Trasho and Multiple Maniacs, John Waters made what ended up being his most famous film, Pink Flamingos.

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.6.5″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_circle_counter title=”Rating” number=”80″ bar_bg_color=”#7CDA24″ _builder_version=”4.13.1″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_circle_counter][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.6.5″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.6.5″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.13.1″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]

    Synopsis

    Having been labeled the filthiest person alive, Divine goes under a pseudonym, Babs Johnson, to protect her identity. She lives with her mentally-ill mother Edie (Edith Massey), son Crackers (Danny Mills), and companion Cotton (Mary Vivian Pearce). On the other side of town, Connie (Mink Stole) and Raymond (David Lochary) Marble are jealous of Divine’s status. They kidnap young women, keep them locked up, have their manservant Channing (Channing Wilroy) impregnate them, and sell their babies. Using a spy named Cookie (Cookie Mueller), The Marbles learn of Divine’s assumed name, family, and address. After The Marbles send her a box of poop, Divine declares war to show who’s the filthiest person alive. Homes go up in flames, people lick furniture, a party gets raided, and people stage a kangaroo court. In the end, only one person can indeed earn the coveted title of “Filthiest Person Alive!”

     

    Review

    Given the film’s reputation, there’s nothing that I can say about Pink Flamingos that hasn’t already been said. Of course, it’s gross, vile, disgusting, offensive, politically incorrect, and transgressive, but that’s just what John Waters intended. In a way, it’s as if Waters set out to make the worst movie ever, and yet it worked. It’s one of those movies where every character is a terrible person, yet Divine and her family are weirdly sympathetic. They accept that they’re the filthiest people alive, yet The Marbles are jealous of how proud they are. While The Marbles try their best to be nasty, you also get a sense that they’re in over their heads. Divine and her family are just living their lives when The Marbles have to interject and make themselves targets. It’s an intriguing look at how mainstream society tries to co-opt otherwise taboo material to seem cool.

    In terms of filmmaking, the movie has that grimy quality you could only get from 70’s low-budget cinema. Admittedly, there are times where scenes drag for way too long, and it feels like they should’ve cut much sooner. Acting-wise, everyone delivers their lines as if they’re reciting Shakespeare, making the ridiculous dialogue even funnier. Much of the acting is hit or miss, but Divine delivers an enjoyably over-the-top performance that perfectly fits this movie. While Divine is the show’s star, Mink Stole and Edith Massey perfectly suit their roles and are just as memorable. For a film made in 1972, some of the shock scenes are still pretty shocking even by 2021 standards. General audiences probably won’t enjoy this, but fans of cult cinema should give this at least one viewing. Overall, Pink Flamingos is rough around the edges but enjoyable for midnight movie fans.

     

    Buy Pink Flamingos from Amazon: https://amzn.to/30kVViE.

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  • Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High AKA Vol. 2 (2017)

    Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High AKA Vol. 2 (2017)

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    While filming Return to Nuke ‘Em High Volume 1, director Lloyd Kaufman decided to split the film into two parts. The first part had a limited theatrical release in late 2013 that the studio expanded in 2014. While critical reception was mixed, audiences loved it, and the film was awarded at the Fright Night Theatre Film Festival. Unfortunately, during the production of the second installment, funding for the film dried up, and they couldn’t afford post-work. To help cover the post-production costs, Troma launched a Kickstarter campaign in June 2015, which raised over $60,000. After a lengthy post-production process, they screened the film at the 2017 Cannes Film Festival, which became Lloyd’s last appearance. Despite the screening going well, Kaufman claimed the staff abused the Troma employees and vowed never to return. Regardless, Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High AKA Vol. 2 premiered in late 2019.

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    Synopsis

    Picking up from where the last movie ended, Lauren (Catherine Corcoran) gives birth to a duck-human hybrid baby. Meanwhile, Principal Westly (Babette Bombshell) blackmails her girlfriend Chrissy (Asta Paredes) to take down her blog, which she refuses. It turns out Westly got ahold of footage showing Lauren and Chrissy together from local loser Zack (Zac Amico). Local reporters hound Chrissy about this, but she uses it as an opportunity to expose the corruption of Tromaorganics Inc. Elsewhere, CEO Lee Harvey Herzkauf (Lloyd Kaufman) has been huffing farts from high school students to stay young. He plans on sharing this with some influential figures, only for his supply to run out, causing him to mutate. With their fellow students at stake, Chrissy and Lauren must stop Herzkauf while also fighting off The Cretins. Also, a fully-mutated Kevin the WonderDuck returns to protect his lovechild with Lauren.

    Review

    Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High AKA Vol. 2 is more of the same as the last film. There’s just as much blood, boobs, slime, and political incorrectness as the first film, if not more so. Like the last one, this one has similarly higher production values, but you’ll notice where they had to cut corners. While there are still tons of practical effects, there’s also more dodgy CGI that feels out of place. Also, tons of recycled scenes are used as flashbacks to pad out the runtime, complete with tacked-on narration. Granted, Troma was having troubles behind the scenes, and it’s admirable that they could finish this given the circumstances. Plus, some of these flaws add to the overall campy and over-the-top nature of the production. It’s just one of the many struggles surrounding independent filmmaking, especially with a Troma movie.

    Like the last one, Asta Paredes and Catherine Corcoran have great chemistry and play off of each other well. While Paredes was more the center of Part 1, Corcoran gets the spotlight as her character grows further. Zac Amico is fun as the loveable and hateable loser who wants to get back at Chrissy and Lauren. He also has a hilarious nude scene that pays homage to the infamous streaking scene from Terror Firmer. Kaufman is great as the stereotypical corporate villain, who chews up as much scenery as possible. You also get appearances from Troma alums like Debbie Rochon, Ron Jeremy, Lemmy, Joe Fleishaker, Mark Torgl, and Stan Lee. This film has plenty of gross-out gags at under ninety minutes to satisfy Troma fans, even if parts do drag. Overall, Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High AKA Vol. 2 is exactly like the last one, warts and all.

     

    Buy Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High AKA Vol. 2 on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3GU9pTz.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at no additional cost, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and make a purchase.

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    Where to watch Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High AKA Vol. 2 (2017)

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  • Eternals (2021)

    Eternals (2021)

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    Legendary comic book artist Jack Kirby left Marvel in 1970 and joined DC Comics to create the “New Gods.” While he had a definitive ending planned, the series ended in 1972, and Kirby returned to work at Marvel. Originally dubbed “The Celestials,” these new god-like beings first appeared in 1976 as “The Eternals” due to legal reasons. In 2018, Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige announced that the characters would debut in Phase 4 of the MCU. The directors considered were Nicole Kassell, Travis Knight of Bumblebee fame, and the pair Cristina Gallego and Ciro Guerra. Eventually, they hired Chinese-American filmmaker Chloé Zhao, who gained much attention after directing the Oscar-winning film Nomadland. Though scheduled for a November 2020 release, the COVID-19 Pandemic caused numerous delays, initially settling for a February 2021 release. Eventually, Eternals saw its worldwide theatrical release in November of 2021.

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.12.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_circle_counter title=”Rating” number=”70″ bar_bg_color=”#EDF000″ _builder_version=”4.13.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_circle_counter][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.12.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.12.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.13.0″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]

    Synopsis

    Thousands of years ago, the Celestial Arishem (David Kaye) sent god-like beings called The Eternals to Earth. Their mission is to destroy an infectious race called The Deviants, but they’re not allowed to interfere in human affairs. Due to internal conflicts, The Eternals go their separate ways and continue living their lives waiting for Arishem’s orders. In present-day London, Eternals Sersi (Gemma Chan) and Sprite (Lia McHugh) live together and enjoy everyday civilian life. One night, a Deviant called Kro (Bill Skarsgård) attacks them, but thankfully fellow Eternal Ikaris (Richard Madden) saves them. With the threat of the Deviants returning, they decide to find the other Eternals and reunite them. Unfortunately, a Deviant killed their former leader Ajak (Salma Hayek), so it’s up to Sersi to lead them. She gains the ability to speak with Arishem, but she soon learns more than she could’ve ever expected.

     

    Review

    Despite its flaws, Eternals is undoubtedly one of the more ambitious films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. There’s plenty of introspection where the characters discuss humanity as a whole and how our issues make us human. Every cast member gives a stellar performance, particularly Gemma Chan and Richard Madden as the central focus. Though she doesn’t have tons of screentime, Salma Hayek is decent as the former leader conflicted with her mission. Kumail Nanjiani steals the show as the boisterous Kingo, whose character has become a famous Bollywood actor throughout multiple generations. Angelina Jolie doesn’t get many lines, but she shows a lot of her character just from her facial expressions. Admittedly, the one weak link in the cast is Barry Keoghan, who comes off very emotionless in his line deliveries. Also, Kit Harrington comes off bland, but that might’ve been intentional given the film’s later reveal.

    Another point this movie gets is for being inclusive without being in-your-face about its inclusivity. For instance, Brian Tyree Henry’s Phastos turns out to be gay, but they don’t draw much attention to it. No one talks about him being gay, he and his husband don’t act stereotypically flamboyant, and it’s played relatively seriously. Unfortunately, the film’s pacing is somewhat haphazard as they constantly jump between flashbacks without any clear indication. Also, for all the more introspective stuff going on, there are the typical CGI fight scenes that bog everything down. They’re entertaining enough, but it’s the moments where it doesn’t feel like an MCU movie that is more compelling. While this is far from being the worst MCU movie, one can only hope that things improve after this one. Overall, Eternals has plenty to offer, but it feels like it’s collapsing under its weight.

     

    Buy tickets to Eternals in theaters now: https://fandan.co/3nJ2Wlw.

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  • Retro Puppet Master (1999)

    Retro Puppet Master (1999)

    [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]Curse of the Puppet Master was a massive letdown for many of Full Moon’s established fans, and Band knew this. He knew he had to think of something to get the fans back, so he decided to go back. Looking over the initial art from the first film in 1988, he noticed some puppets that they didn’t use. Charles Band decided to use these puppets and craft a prequel that explored Andre Toulon’s origins pre-WWII. Like many of Full Moon’s films at the time, shooting would be in Romania at Castel Film Studios. David DeCoteau, under the pseudonym Joseph Tennent, was hired to direct after directing two entries, including Puppet Master III. For the role of young Andre Toulon, the filmmakers cast a then-unknown Greg Sestero after considering James Franco. A few months after the last film, Full Moon released Retro Puppet Master in November of 1999.

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_circle_counter title=”Rating” number=”65″ bar_bg_color=”#EDF000″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_circle_counter][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]

    Synopsis

    In 1902 Paris, Andre Toulon (Greg Sestero) is running a puppet show called “Theater Magique,” which is quite popular. After a performance of Dante’s Divine Comedy, Toulon meets Elsa (Brigitta Dau), a young socialite wanting to see the country. The two start to hit it off until a man who’s nearly beaten to death arrives looking for help. The stranger is Afzel (Jack Donner), an Egyptian sorcerer who’s stolen the secret of life from the god Sutekh. He passes his knowledge along to Toulon, allowing him to bring life to his puppets with human souls. Meanwhile, Sutekh sends three of his mummified followers to track down Afzel and kill him before passing his knowledge on. Before long, Toulon assembles a puppet army to take on Sutekh’s forces while falling in love with Elsa. An elder Toulon (Guy Rolfe) in 1944 Switzerland shares this story with his puppets.

     

    Review

    Retro Puppet Master is a slight improvement compared to the last installment, but not by a whole lot. The Romanian filming locations add plenty of production value and make the film look more expensive. Also, introducing the new retro puppets is an excellent way to keep things fresh and exciting. It’s interesting to see what Blade, Pinhead, and Six Shooter looked like before getting a new design. Admittedly, the film plays with the continuity from the other movies, but this series never had a consistent continuity. Even though he hardly resembles Guy Rolfe, Greg Sestero does a decent job playing a young Andre Toulon. He also deserves some credit for adding a French accent considering the character’s name, even if it doesn’t match Rolfe. Speaking of, while he’s only on-screen for a few minutes, Guy Rolfe does an excellent job for his final role.

    Brigitta Dau, known chiefly for doing voiceovers for Ranma 1/2, has decent chemistry with Sestero and is quite lovely. The late character actor Jack Donner gives the role of Afzel more dignity than it otherwise deserves. Another notable actor is Stephen Blackehart, who was previously in Tromeo & Juliet and later became a James Gunn regular. In terms of his direction, David DeCoteau does a decent job and takes advantage of the Romanian locations. Like the last film, the lack of stop-motion animation is unfortunate, but the puppets have more screen time here. The puppet effects are decent, though there are quite a few moments where you can see the strings. Sadly, for all the improvements made here, the series would continue to go further downhill from where it started. Overall, Retro Puppet Master does some things right but does plenty more wrong.

     

    Buy Retro Puppet Master from Amazon: https://amzn.to/4mb2Jov.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Halloween II (1981)

    Halloween II (1981)

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    On a meager $325,000 budget, John Carpenter’s Halloween was a smash hit, grossing $47 million at the box office. The critical response was somewhat mixed, but it was clear that the filmmakers had struck gold. Producer Irwin Yablans wanted to make a sequel, but John Carpenter wasn’t interested, feeling the original worked on its own. Carpenter eventually agreed to work on the sequel as a writer and producer alongside his partner Debra Hill. Since he wouldn’t be directing, Carpenter wanted his friend Tommy Lee Wallace to take over, but he declined. Instead, they hired relative newcomer Rick Rosenthal, who impressed Carpenter with his short film, The Toyer. With a budget of $2.5 million, the film was produced under Dino De Laurentiis and distributed through Universal Pictures. On October 30, 1981, Michael Myers returned to slash his way through the big screen in Halloween II.

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_circle_counter title=”Rating” number=”75″ bar_bg_color=”#EDF000″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_circle_counter][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]

    Synopsis

    After being shot out of a window, Michael Myers escapes, much to the worry of Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasance). He teams up with Sheriff Brackett (Charles Cyphers) to find Michael and stop him before he kills more people. Unfortunately, Brackett leaves Loomis after learning that Michael killed his daughter, and Loomis accidentally gets a young man killed. Meanwhile, Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) is taken to the hospital for her injuries, barely surviving Michael. Before long, Michael learns where Laurie is being treated and heads to the hospital to finish the job. As Loomis continues his investigation, he learns more about Michael, including his connection to Samhain and the occult. Marion Chambers (Nancy Stephens) informs Loomis that he must return to Smith’s Grove by the governor’s orders. However, Loomis decides to go to the hospital to save Laurie from Michael after learning the awful truth.

     

    Review

    While John Carpenter’s film wasn’t the first slasher, it was the one that started the trend that would soon follow. If the original was a trendsetter, Halloween II feels like one of the many cash-ins that came afterward. The original did have some brutal kills and some nudity, but this film doubles down on those elements. Admittedly, they were trying to keep up with the emerging slashers at the time, so I can’t blame their decision. Plus, the kills are some of the stand-out moments of the film, even if some of them are ridiculous. Director Rick Rosenthal does try to maintain the same look and feel as the original, which is admirable if derivative. There are some suspenseful moments, and the hospital setting adds some dread and a sense of isolation to the mix. It helps that much of the same crew returned to work on the sequel.

    Like the first film, Donald Pleasance adds plenty of class to the production, even with a few questionable moments. Unfortunately, Jamie Lee Curtis spends much of the movie in bed and doesn’t do much until the third act. Most of the runtime is devoted to the hospital staff, who are memorable in their way, especially Leo Rossi’s Budd. You’ve also got Lance Guest as the likable EMT pining for Laurie, who would later star in The Last Starfighter. Dick Warlock replaces Nick Castle as The Shape, and he does an excellent job with his body language and movements. My only other major gripe is with the film’s twist, where we learn that Laurie is Michael’s long-lost sister. It’s a twist that somewhat undermines the fear from the original and would, unfortunately, taint future installments. Overall, Halloween II is a step down from the first, but it’s an entertaining enough slasher.

     

    Buy Halloween II from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3lSROTo.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at no additional cost, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and make a purchase.

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    Where to watch Halloween II (1981)

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  • Beware: Children At Play (1989)

    Beware: Children At Play (1989)

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    Mik Cribben has been in the industry since the 1970s, working as a soundman or a camera operator. Like many at the time, he got his start working in the adult film industry and some B-movies. He worked on notable titles like Squirm, Eyes of Laura Mars, Nightmare, and blockbuster movies like Annie and Wall Street. At some point, Cribben was working with a guy who had made a low-budget horror film about a Vietnam veteran. The two were collaborating on a new project, but the director wanted to make it a studio film. Cribben commissioned his friend Fred Sharkey to write a new screenplay using the extra money from the collaboration. On a $200,000 – $300,000 budget, Cribben and company worked on what would become one of Troma’s more controversial pictures. In late 1989, Troma distributed Cribben’s only directorial effort, Beware: Children at Play.

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    Synopsis

    During a camping trip with his son, Professor Randall (Bernard Hocke) accidentally gets his leg caught in a bear trap. After he succumbs to his wounds and dies, his son Glenn (Eric Tonken) eats him and goes insane. Ten years later, John DeWolfe (Michael Robertson) is driving with his family to New Jersey to visit some old friends. Chief among them is Ross Carr (Rich Hamilton), the local sheriff, dealing with numerous reports of missing children. Meanwhile, local farmer Isac Braun (Mik Cribben) believes Glenn is still alive and taking their children to join his cult. It turns out that Glenn is indeed living, now calling himself Grendel (Danny McClaughlin), and has been brainwashing children. As the kids carve a path through the town, John and Ross try to figure out a peaceful solution. Will John be able to rescue the kids, or will the townsfolk deliver some vigilante justice?

     

    Review

    As a whole, Beware: Children at Play is a very flat and boring movie struggling to reach feature-length. While there are a few cheesy kills here and there, most of it is just dull scenes of meaningless dialogue. It doesn’t help that much of the acting is pretty uninspired, though I’m not expecting Oscar-worthy performances here. Some notable characters include a Bible salesman with a sailor’s mouth or a psychic who loves saying “dearie” a lot. There’s also Isac Braun, played by the director, wearing some unconvincing old man makeup with powder in his hair. But aside from that, most of the characters are pretty generic, and you’ll quickly forget who’s who. Honestly, it was difficult for me to keep up with what was happening, considering how dull it was. That is until the last five minutes when all hell breaks loose, and the film earns its notoriety.

    As uninteresting as the rest of the movie is, the ending almost makes watching it worthwhile just for the carnage. What follows are five minutes of several child characters being shot down and killed in various ways. Kids get their heads blown off, stabbed with a machete, pinned to walls with pitchforks, and shot with arrows. Granted, kids getting killed in movies isn’t anything new, but the volume of child deaths is staggering. It makes sense that the trailer mostly has scenes from the last few minutes since they’re the most exciting. The ending almost warrants a viewing, but that requires sitting through so much uninteresting stuff to get there. Hardcore Troma fans will want to check this out, but otherwise, you can just watch the scene on YouTube. Overall, Beware: Children at Play is a dull experience that only gets interesting towards the end.

     

    Buy Beware: Children at Play from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3mcwVmp.

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  • Rawhead Rex (1986)

    Rawhead Rex (1986)

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    After how disappointing Transmutations turned out, Clive Barker had his reservations in working with George Pavlou again. Still, the studio convinced Barker to adapt one of his short stories from the Books of Blood, Rawhead Rex. He agreed and wrote a screenplay that was a straight adaptation of his story, but the troubles started again. Once he turned in his script, Barker was barred from the set and not allowed further creative input. Additionally, the studio decided to film in Ireland during the rainy season instead of the original English summer setting. While Barker’s original story had tons of sexual subtext, the final film turned into a standard monster-on-the-loose picture. Though he did have some kind words during production in interviews, Barker has since disowned the film. Though premiering in the UK in 1986, Empire Pictures released Rawhead Rex to the US in 1987.

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    Synopsis

    American Howard Hallenbeck (David Dukes) travels to Ireland with his wife and kids, searching for religious artifacts. Meanwhile, a local digs up an ancient column, accidentally freeing an ancient demon called Rawhead Rex. Declan O’Brien (Ronan Wilmott) touches the altar at a nearby church and is driven mad by Rawhead’s influence. Rawhead starts rampaging through the Irish countryside, killing anyone in its path while O’Brien grows more insane. Howard catches a glimpse of Rawhead and tries to explain it to the police, but they don’t believe him. He decides to take his family back on the road when his daughter Minty (Cora Lunny) needs a bathroom break. While Howard and his wife Elaine (Kelly Piper) check on her, Rawhead kills their son Robbie (Hugh O’Conor). Now enraged, Howard takes it upon himself to confront O’Brien and find a way to destroy Rawhead Rex.

     

    Review

    Considering how poorly Transmutations turned out, it’s shocking that Clive Barker would be willing to try again. To his credit, Rawhead Rex is a much better film, but you can see why Barker wasn’t happy with this. The film takes itself super seriously, but tons of unintentionally campy elements hinder any tension. For one, Rawhead Rex himself looks utterly ridiculous with its bulging eyes, flared nostrils, and misshapen mohawk. From a distance, it looks fine, but whenever you get a good look at its face, it’s too funny. Considering that the original short creature was a 9′ phallus, I can see why they changed it. Admittedly, I would be okay with the creature design if the whole movie was just as ridiculous, but it isn’t. Also, I’m surprised they had any sets left, given all the scenery-chewing Ronan Wilmott was doing with his performance. At least he’s not obnoxiously hammy.

    Speaking of acting, most of it ranges from being decent to being pretty dull and uninspired. David Dukes does a pretty good job in the lead role, even if his character makes some dumb decisions. He and Kelly Piper have some decent chemistry, although she’s not given much to do until the very end. Directing-wise, George Pavlou takes full advantage of the Irish countryside and manages to create an effectively spooky mood. It’s evocative of the look and feel of Hammer films from the 50s and 60s, though not as good. There’s also plenty of bloody and gruesome kills for the average gorehound, and it was risky to kill a kid. Parts of the film work as a cheesy monster movie, but it could’ve used more insane moments. Overall, Rawhead Rex isn’t terrible, but it could’ve been so much better. Thankfully, this led to Clive Barker helming a horror classic.

     

    Buy Rawhead Rex from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3ps0diH.

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