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Category: Full Moon Fridays

  • The Creeps (1997)

    The Creeps (1997)

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    While many of his decisions stumbled, Charles Band would now and then be at the forefront of something big. He founded one of the first home video companies and was the first to film in post-Communist Romania. In the mid-90s, Band saw that Hi-Def was becoming a big thing, so he decided to jump on the opportunity. He announced a slate of 3D movies ready for the Hi-Def revolution but might have overestimated Hi-Def’s potential. One of these movies, Secrets of the Micromen, never got made, and another called Horrorvision.com came out years later. Band was no stranger to 3D, having previously directed Parasite 3D and Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn in the 1980s. Neal Marshall Stevens, who wrote Head of the Family and Hideous! under the pseudonym Benjamin Carr, penned the script. While it was planned for a 3D release, The Creeps got a 2D release in 1997.

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    Synopsis

    While working in the Rare Books section of the university library, Anna Quarrels (Rhonda Griffin) is approached by Mr. Jamison. He asks if he could study the original manuscript of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, which he switches out for a fake. After discovering the false manuscript, Anna hires David Raleigh (Justin Lauer), a private investigator/video store owner, to investigate. He finds that Mr. Jamison is Dr. Winston Berber (Bill Moynihan), a mad scientist who’s stolen other rare manuscripts. He aims to use them with his “Archetype Inducer” machine to bring four of fiction’s greatest monsters to life. Unfortunately for the doctor, Anna and David retrieve the manuscripts while the monsters are being created, which has unintended results. The Mummy (Joe Smith), The Wolfman (Jon Simanton), Frankenstein’s Monster (Thomas Wellington), and Dracula (Phil Fondacaro) are all pint-sized! Will Berber restore them to full size, or will our heroes stop them?

     

    Review

    If you ever wondered what the Universal Monsters would be like as dwarves, then The Creeps is for you. It’s no secret that Charles Band has an affinity for tiny terrors, usually puppets or miniature demons. Some might find it suspect that the central gimmick is having miniature versions of classic monsters, especially for the time. Thankfully, Charles Band and Benjamin Carr were smart enough not to cram in a bunch of short jokes. Each beast, Dracula in particular, is taken seriously and given familiar but different looks that help set them apart. Phil Fondacaro effortlessly gives the best performance in the film as Dracula, given plenty of monologues to showcase his talents. Unfortunately, the other monsters are given little more than grunts and growls instead of dialogue and deep characterization. They still look like Laurence Olivier when compared to the regular human cast.

    Rhonda Griffin from Hideous! is given the lead but falls short of delivering a quality performance. She comes off as ditzy, whiny, and annoying, making it hard to care when she’s in peril. Justin Lauer plays a stereotypical movie geek/amateur womanizer who mostly spouts off titles of obscure exploitation movies. Bill Moynihan certainly tries as the over-the-top mad scientist, but Phil Fondacaro and his fellow monsters easily overshadow him. Full Moon veteran cinematographer Adolfo Bartoli gives the film style with colored lights and harsh shadows. Given that this was intended to be a 3D movie, there aren’t any moments where objects come toward the camera. At 80 minutes long, the film gets in and out fairly quickly, though it does drag to reach that length. Overall, The Creeps isn’t a bad choice for monster movie fans, but don’t expect anything all that special.

     

    Buy The Creeps from Amazon: https://amzn.to/43YALCK.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Buy & Cell (1989)

    Buy & Cell (1989)

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    Originally from New York City, Robert Boris has been a writer/director for TV and movies since the early 1970s. His earliest credits included 1973’s Electra Glide in Blue and 1982’s Some Kind of Hero, starring Richard Pryor. Boris won the WGA Award for Original/Adapted Multi-Part Long Form Series for the 1983 made-for-TV movie Blood Feud. In 1984, Boris made his directorial debut with Oxford Blues, the first starring role for a then up-and-coming Rob Lowe. He followed this up with the 1987 action film Steele Justice, which got the attention of Frank Yablans. In 1987, Yablans and Charles Band produced The Caller, the first of two movies they shot back-to-back at Dinocitta. That same year, Yablans hired Boris to direct a prison-set comedy starring Robert Carradine, Michael Winslow, and Malcolm McDowell. Due to Empire Pictures filing for bankruptcy, Buy & Cell wouldn’t be released until early 1989.

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    Synopsis

    Herbie Altman (Robert Carradine) is sentenced to serve 13 years for stock fraud after being framed by his former boss. He meets with Warden Tennant (Malcolm McDowell), who wants him to help make some investments and make him rich. Altman refuses, so he’s placed in his cell with the smooth-talking hustler Sly (Michael Winslow), who has some outstanding debts. Sly owes $25,000 to fellow inmates Cowboy (Roddy Piper) and Raoul (Tony Plana), so Altman offers to help. Not only does he help Sly pay off his debts, but Altman decides to form his own company, Con Inc. With the help of prison therapist Dr. Ellen Scott (Lise Cutter), Herbie and the other inmates become wealthy investors. Soon, the warden wants a piece of the action, so he and Altman join forces to one-up Altman’s old boss. But whether it’s finances or prison, Herbie can’t catch a break.

     

    Review

    Buy & Cell isn’t what you would expect from an Empire Pictures film, which isn’t necessarily bad. Unfortunately, this is a comedy that forgot to be funny since most of the jokes fall flat. This is one of many slobs vs. snobs movies popular in the 80s, like Caddyshack and Police Academy. Sadly, by this point, the formula had gone stale, and they just weren’t as funny as they used to be. It doesn’t help that the “comedy” starts roughly 40 minutes in, as the first act is deadly serious. Just the fact that this supposedly zany comedy begins with a gag involving a suicide attempt is jarring. Even when the humor does kick in, there’s never a moment where I let out anything more than a chuckle. That said, a few lines here and there caught me off guard, so that counts for something.

    It’s a shame the film isn’t funny because the cast can deliver laughs in other movies. Robert Carradine, aka Lewis in Revenge of the Nerds, makes for a decent lead and works as the straight man. As always, Malcolm McDowell plays a great villain, and it’s fun seeing him get his comeuppance at the end. Michael Winslow, famous for his sound effects in Police Academy, has sadly run out of steam here. While he doesn’t always make his trademark sounds, it’s pretty clear it was a one-note schtick that’s run its course. The cast also features great character actors like Roddy Piper, Randall ‘Tex’ Cobb, Ben Vereen, and Tony Plana. They do their best to make this 95-minute comedy work, but the material doesn’t give them much to work with. Overall, Buy & Cell is a forgettable comedy with little to offer besides a decent cast.

     

    Buy Buy & Cell from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3JGQrpM.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at no additional cost, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and make a purchase.

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    Where to watch Buy & Cell (1989)

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  • Robot Holocaust (1987)

    Robot Holocaust (1987)

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    As stated in previous reviews, Charles Band formed Wizard Video after being forced out of Meda (later Media) Home Entertainment. Band released several oddball exploitation films through this label, including Zombie, The Driller Killer, and The Boogeyman. In addition to acquiring the distribution rights for foreign cinema, Band made some in-house productions, including compilations and direct-to-video movies. Except for The Best of Sex and Violence and Psychos In Love, most of these were pretty dreadful. Enter Tim Kincaid, the New York-based adult filmmaker who transitioned to mainstream movies with Bad Girls Dormitory. Kincaid and Band made a deal where Tim would produce several low-budget genre films for Wizard Video, starting with Breeders. His next film for Band became arguably his most infamous for appearing on the second season of Mystery Science Theater 3000. That movie would be the 1987 post-apocalyptic sci-fi film Robot Holocaust.

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    Synopsis

    Society has all but collapsed after a robot revolution that took place in the far future of 2033. The remaining humans are either slaves to the robots and their leader, The Dark One, or nomads roaming the wasteland. The Dark One is an advanced computer aided by the human Valaria (Angelika Jager) and the robot Torque (Rick Gianasi). A scientist named Jorn (Michael Downend) is imprisoned since he’s the only one who can stop The Dark One. His daughter Deeja (Nadine Hart) searches for someone to help rescue him and finds a drifter named Neo (Norris Culf). With his robot sidekick Kylton (Joel Van Ornsteiner), Neo agrees to help and gathers other drifters to aid them. With humanity’s fate at stake, our heroes must trek across the New York ruins to stop The Dark One. It’s man versus machine as the two sides clash in this robot holocaust!

     

    Review

    Much like his 1986 movie Breeders, Robot Holocaust sounds like it’ll be a fun watch, but it’s largely uninteresting. Granted, this one is less painful of an experience, but that’s saying little considering what we’re comparing. The biggest problem with this film is that most of it is either exposition dumps or characters just walking. What makes matters worse is that the characters could be more memorable, and the acting could be more exciting, though there are exceptions. On top of being gorgeous, Angelika Jager is the film’s highlight, as she’s chewing up all the scenery. Like before, Ed French’s effects work is decent, given the limited resources he had to work with. While some monsters look like cheap hand-puppets, the robots are pretty cool, especially Torque’s design. That explains why the Blu-Ray cover features him prominently despite not being the central villain.

    Honestly, this movie is hard to review because there’s little to say about it, and I’ve covered almost everything. Another strike against the film is the constant narration explaining everything we see as if we’re blind. It makes Harrison Ford’s narration in Blade Runner sound profound by comparison, and that was a great movie. The film reuses music from other Charles Band productions like Laserblast, which is fitting since it was also on MST3K. I’d almost prefer watching that movie instead since it at least had stop-motion aliens, explosions, and Eddie Deezen. While it does get slightly more exciting in the last 20 minutes, it’s hardly worth the first 50. The movie clocks in at roughly 80 minutes and feels like the longest 80 minutes imaginable. Overall, Robot Holocaust is less “so bad it’s good” but more “so boring it’s bad.”

     

    Buy Robot Holocaust from Amazon: https://amzn.to/43w5ZR9.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Subspecies V: Blood Rise (2023)

    Subspecies V: Blood Rise (2023)

    [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.21.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]After the disappointing response to Subspecies IV: Bloodstorm, the series was put on hiatus for the next decade. As new franchises like Killjoy, The Gingerdead Man, and Evil Bong were introduced, hopes for Radu’s return seemed lost. Over the years, writer/director Ted Nicolaou and actors Anders Hove and Denice Duff wanted to return to the series. Nicolaou had even written a script for a potential new installment should Full Moon acquire the budget needed. In 2019, Charles Band announced that a fifth Subspecies film was in production as part of his “Deadly 10” initiative. Filming was supposed to start in July 2020 in Croatia, but the COVID-19 pandemic put the project on hold. The movie was shot over 18 days in Serbia in September 2022 before premiering at the Horrorhound Convention in March. After 25 years, Subspecies V: Blood Rise hit Alamo Drafthouse theaters in May 2023.

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    Synopsis

    During the Crusades, a knight rescues a vampire baby before it’s offered up as a sacrifice by its mother. After being defanged, the child is raised to serve the church and slay monsters, not knowing his origin. The vampire-turned-knight Radu (Anders Hove), accompanied by the monk Marius (Petar Arsic), infiltrates the castle of Prince Vladislas (Kevin Spirtas). After driving away the vampires, the two find Helena (Denice Duff), the mother of Vladislas’ child Stefan (Jakov Marjanovic). Despite Marius ‘ objections, Radu vows to protect them, so they go their separate ways, not knowing Helena is a vampire. She turns Radu and leaves with Vladislas and the Bloodstone, though Radu is found by his mother, Circe (Yulia Graut). After Circe trains him, Radu takes siblings Ariel (Stasa Nikolic) and Ash (Marko Filipovic) as his fledglings. Despite growing more powerful, Radu is still haunted by visions of his love, Helena.

     

    Review

    Let’s be frank; Full Moon Features has never been as good as it was in the early 1990s. Sure, they had some movies in the 2000s that were decent, but none were on par with their earlier work. While that era of Full Moon likely won’t return, Subspecies V: Blood Rise is the closest we’ll come to that. Using the locations and Vladimir Ilic’s excellent cinematography, Nicolaou recaptured the classic goth look of the earlier installments. While it would’ve been great for them to shoot in Romania like before, Serbia is a great stand-in. The sets look great, and the many landscape shots of the Serbian countryside add to the ambiance. The costumes and makeup effects look fantastic, and the Serbian crew deserves all the credit they get. Full Moon went above and beyond to make this the best sequel possible, and they more than succeeded.

    In addition to looking good, the film has some of the best performances I’ve seen in a Full Moon movie. Anders Hove is just as sinister as before, but he also comes off as somewhat sympathetic and pulls it off. Denice Duff is excellent as Helena, who looks great for her age and succeeds at being seductive and manipulative. The dynamic she and Hove have is a complete reversal of their relationship in the previous films, and it works. While he’s not in the movie much, Kevin Spirtas is having fun as the sinister Prince Vladislas. Stasa Nikolic and Marko Filipovic are great additions to the cast, and their backstory is just as tragic as Radu’s. While the film has plenty of blood and nudity, it takes itself more seriously, which might disappoint some fans. Otherwise, Subspecies V: Blood Rise is easily Full Moon’s best film in decades!

     

    Buy Subspecies V: Blood Rise from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3UvTRxO.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Netherworld (1992)

    Netherworld (1992)

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    After directing the original Puppet Master in 1989, David Schmoeller was experiencing a high point in his career. In 1991, Schmoeller helmed The Arrival, his first non-Charles Band production since 1982’s The Seduction nearly killed his career. Around this time, Schmoeller was attached to numerous projects that never got made for one reason or another. He was initially supposed to direct Whispers & Shadows, a sexual thriller for Full Moon, with David Decoteau producing. Band ultimately shelved the project because it was so far removed from what Full Moon was known for. Instead, Band assigned Schmoeller to a film that Ted Nicolaou was supposed to direct before helming Subspecies. The movie was shot in New Orleans with Adolfo Bartoli as the cinematographer and Mark Shostrom handling the effects. While initially planned for a January 1992 release, David Schmoeller’s Netherworld hit video store shelves that February.

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    Synopsis

    After his father’s death, Corey Thorton (Michael Bendetti) inherited his estate in Louisiana, though he never really knew him. Cory meets his father’s lawyer, Beauregard Yates, Esq. (Robert Burr), and his housekeeper Mrs. Palmer (Anjanette Comer). He also runs into Mrs. Palmer’s daughter Diane (Holly Floria), who’s overly flirty with Cory despite being younger. While at the estate, Cory is drawn to a local brother run by Mary Magdalene (Alex Datcher). He’s seduced by Delores (Denise Gentile), a prostitute who practices voodoo and is part of a cult of bird people. Cory discovers that his late father, Noah (Robert Sampson), has been working with Delores to bring him back to life. However, the ritual involves removing Cory’s soul and putting his father’s soul in his body. With Diane trying to help him, will Cory overcome Delores’ seductive way, or will he end up in the Netherworld?

     

    Review

    Out of Full Moon’s early catalog, Netherworld has plenty going for it, but not all of it gels together. It’s one of the more story-driven movies from Full Moon, which is ambitious but feels unfocused. Sometimes, it’s hard to follow what’s happening, and while I enjoy a slow burn, it doesn’t build up to anything. For instance, the ghostly flying hand featured on the poster barely plays a role in the movie. Acting-wise, everyone does a fine enough job, but nobody stands out in a good or bad way. Michael Bendetti comes off as a wet blanket, and Holly Floria is the least-convincing pre-teen I’ve ever seen. Denise Gentile and Alex Datcher do their best with the material and easily give the film’s best performances. The worst performance would be Holly Butler as a Marilyn Monroe-inspired prostitute with a cheap blonde wig and ill-fitting voice.

    Since this is a David Schmoeller movie, the film looks great and has excellent cinematography courtesy of Adolfo Bartoli. Mark Shostrom of From Beyond and Evil Dead II fame’s effects are solid, but they’re very minimal. Aside from one petrified corpse, the flying hand, and some creepy masks, there’s not much to see. The score, composed by Bon Jovi’s keyboard player, David Bryan, is probably the most noteworthy thing about the film. Along with some songs from Edgar Winter, the music elevates the film and adds an appropriately moody atmosphere. At under ninety minutes, parts of the film drag quite a bit, making it feel longer than it is. Full Moon completionists will undoubtedly be interested, but casual viewers will likely be bored by the end. Overall, Netherworld isn’t one of the best early Full Moon movies, but at least it’s not for lack of trying.

     

    Buy Netherworld from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3Mpe3Od.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Assault of the Killer Bimbos (1988)

    Assault of the Killer Bimbos (1988)

    [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.21.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]At the 1987 Cannes Film Festival, Charles Band launched a pre-sales campaign for the yet-to-be-filmed Assault of the Killer Bimbos. The title was a hit, so Band hired Gorman Bechard of Psychos in Love and Galactic Gigolo fame to direct. Unfortunately, Bechard’s initial cut was deemed so bad that Band decided to redo the movie entirely. Charlie had David DeCoteau salvage the project, so he hired Anita Rosenberg and Patti Astor to write and direct. Rosenberg and Astor turned in their script, but Empire wasn’t confident, so they had Ted Nicolaou do an extensive rewrite. With a budget of $250,000, this would be Rosenberg’s first feature film, though she was almost replaced during filming. When Empire Pictures got cold feet, they wanted Nicolaou to step in, but he believed in Rosenberg and declined. Ultimately, Anita Rosenberg’s Assault of the Killer Bimbos had a small theatrical run in May 1988.

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    Synopsis

    Lulu (Elizabeth Kaitan) is a waitress at a go-go club who aspires to be a dancer. With encouragement from her friend, go-go dancer Peaches (Christina Whitaker), Lulu hits the stage but gets booed off. To make matters worse, a sleazy gangster named Big Vinnie (Mike Muscat) kills their boss and frames them for it. The girls decide to flee to Mexico to escape law enforcement until they figure out what to do next. Along the way, they pick up a diner waitress, Darlene (Tammara Souza), who agrees to help them. The girls get into car chases with cops, run into three stoner surfers, and wind up at a fleabag motel. While holding up at the motel, the girls run into Vinnie, who’s there with his girlfriend Poodles (Patti Astor). Vinnie thinks he’s in the clear until he encounters the Assault of the Killer Bimbos!

     

    Review

    Despite how sleazy the title sounds, Assault of the Killer Bimbos is light-hearted and less exploitative than expected. Sure, there is some nudity, but for the most part, the female leads keep all their clothes on. Also, contrary to the title, the “bimbos” aren’t killers, nor do they go on an assault. Even if the title doesn’t accurately represent the film, it seems fitting for how wacky and silly it is. B-movie staple Elizabeth Kaitan is as adorable as ever and has fantastic chemistry with Christina Whitaker. Tammara Souza is an excellent addition to the group, though she doesn’t fit what most would call a “bimbo.” It’s also worth noting that this features a relatively-unknown Nick Cassavetes as a stoner/surfer who becomes Kaitan’s love interest. He’s not bad, but I highly doubt the director of The Notebook talks about this movie much.

    If the plot sounds familiar, that’s probably because it resembles Ridley Scott’s 1991 film Thema & Louise. Supposedly, the producers of Assault tried suing the makers of Thelma & Louise but withdrew due to legal costs. I’m not saying Scott or Callie Khouri intentionally ripped this off, but it’s a strange coincidence. As for this movie, it’s an interestingly feminist-centric road adventure with some light comedy and various hijinks. Admittedly, several of the jokes don’t land, but a few chuckle-worthy moments are sprinkled in. The movie tends to slow down whenever the stoner surfers are introduced, as they feel out of place. At 85 minutes, the film moves briskly, though a few slow spots could’ve been trimmed. Overall, Assault of the Killer Bimbos might not be what you expect, but it’s a decent watch. Sadly, the same can’t be said for its sister film, but that’s for another day.

     

    Buy Assault of the Killer Bimbos from Amazon: https://amzn.to/4ffBKEI.

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  • Killjoy’s Psycho Circus (2016)

    Killjoy’s Psycho Circus (2016)

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    While working on Killjoy Goes to Hell, writer/producer/editor/effects supervisor/director John Lechago started planning the next film. For the next installment, Lechago wanted to explore Killjoy and Batty Boop’s relationship, mortality, and life on Earth. However, Charles Band seemed reluctant to keep the series going, emphasizing Unlucky Charms and Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong more. Around this time, Full Moon launched fundraising campaigns to finance future movies while giving back to the fans. Through IndieGogo, Full Moon was able to fund 2016’s Evil Bong: High-5 and 2017’s Puppet Master: Axis Termination. The company decided to run a campaign for fans to contribute towards the 5th Evil Bong and Killjoy movies. After raising over $30,000, Lechago got to work on the 5-day shoot, mostly on sets at Full Moon Features. So, sixteen years after the original film, Killjoy’s Psycho Circus premiered on the El Rey Network in 2016.

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    Synopsis

    After escaping judgment in Hell, the demonic clown Killjoy (Trent Haaga) now runs a late-night talk show. Dubbed Psycho Circus, he runs the show with his old troupe mates Freakshow (Tai Chan Ngo) and Punchy (Al Burke). In Hell, Beelzebub (Stephen F. Cardwell) is stripped of his rank as an archdemon for failing to bring Killjoy back. Beelzebub asks for a second chance, so he’s given a spaceship and a co-pilot named Jezebel (Lauren Nash). Meanwhile, Killjoy’s old girlfriend, Batty Boop (Victoria De Mare), catches the show and is shocked to see her replacement. After getting rid of her imposter, Luanne (Robin Sydney), Batty gets Killjoy to take her back, which he reluctantly does. During all this, Beelzebub challenges Killjoy, sending his Six Psychos and threatening to destroy Earth’s major cities. With his spaceship and an arsenal of weapons, Killjoy sets out to confront Beelzebub once and for all!

     

    Review

    Of John Lechago’s trilogy, Killjoy’s Psycho Circus is by far the most ambitious and significant film, though not without issues. To start with what works, the acting is still as wildly entertaining as in past movies. Trent Haaga, again, is the highlight of the film, spouting off tons of vulgarities while adding a devilish charm. Likewise, Victoria De Mare is having a blast playing the seductive yet plucky Batty Boop with her squeaky accent. Despite her minor role, Robin Sydney is also fun reprising her character from Evil Bong as a Batty Boop knockoff. Tom Devlin’s makeup effects are fantastic as always, and the CGI, while not the greatest, is decent, given the budget. It’s about on par with the CGI in Sharknado, but I feel it wasn’t meant to be intentionally bad. This isn’t going to win any Oscars, but I doubt Lechago is a lazy filmmaker.

    While ostensibly a B-movie, Lechago tries injecting some social satire, poking fun at commercialism and humanity. There are gags with Killjoy arguing with a sponsor, Killjoy mentioning his merchandise, and Killjoy meeting his ravenous fans. They even poke fun at themselves with a memorable scene of Killjoy arguing with Trent Haaga over Ángel Vargas. Admittedly, many of the jokes tend to fall flat, but a few made me chuckle here and there. Also, some of the acting does come off either bland or annoying, particularly from Lauren Nash and Tim Chizmar. Plus, even at just slightly under ninety minutes, several scenes go on for way longer than necessary. Still, considering this is the fifth installment in a franchise about a demonic clown, it’s not half bad. Overall, Killjoy’s Psycho Circus is on par with the last few films, for better or worse.

     

    Buy Killjoy’s Psycho Circus from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3LDXbTk.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Dr. Alien (1989)

    Dr. Alien (1989)

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    Unfortunately, by 1988, Empire Pictures was on the verge of bankruptcy after a series of box office failures. Additionally, the studio owed a substantial debt to Crédit Lyonnais, and they were threatening to buy the studio’s assets. During this period, Scott Spiegel’s Intruder and J.F. Lawton’s Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death were in production. David DeCoteau, who directed three movies for Empire, was making a new film with effects artist/writer Kenneth J. Hall. Originally titled I Was a Teenage Sex Mutant, filming commenced in LA for 19 days during the 1988 Writer’s Strike. During production, DeCoteau got word that Empire was going bankrupt but continued filming since the banks were unaware. After Empire folded, Charles Band founded Full Moon Features, using DeCoteau’s movie to strike a deal with Paramount Pictures. The agreement was made, and Paramount released DeCoteau’s film, now retitled Dr. Alien, in 1989.

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    Synopsis

    Wesley Littlejohn (Billy Jacoby) is your average nerdy high schooler who’s constantly picked on and can’t get a girl. His best friend, Marvin (Stuart Fratkin), pressures him to talk to his crush Leanne (Olivia Barash), but he fumbles. Little do they know that they have a new biology teacher, Ms. Xenobia (Judy Landers), who’s more than she seems. She has Wesley stay after class for an experiment that involves her assistant, Drax (Raymond O’Connor), injecting him with “vitamins.” However, it turns out the vitamins make a weird growth sprout from Wesley’s head that makes him irresistible to women. This boosts Wesley’s confidence, leading him to change his wardrobe and sing in a metal band. He even gets to go out with Leanne, but his magnetism for women makes her think he’s cheating on her. On top of it all, Ms. Xenobia is an alien trying to repopulate her homeworld!

     

    Review

    Let’s get this out of the way: Dr. Alien is a dumb, somewhat sexist movie that hasn’t aged well. That being said, this is a surprisingly funny sci-fi sex comedy that’s way more enjoyable than you’d expect. Sure, the whole “nerdy guy gains confidence, stands up to bullies, and gets the girl” story is tired and cliche. However, David DeCoteau manages to take that material and inject it with a self-aware tone that homages 50s Corman movies. While there’s plenty of nudity, foul language, and sexual innuendos, the overall film has a feel-good nature to it. It doesn’t feel mean-spirited or vile, but like you’re meant to have as much fun as the cast is having. Some of the jokes don’t quite land, but some moments had me chuckling throughout, thanks to the dry delivery. Plus, all the topless women certainly kept my attention.

    Cinematographer Nicholas Von Sternberg’s stylish filming and Greg Cannom’s lo-fi makeup effects enhance the film beyond its meager budget. Billy Jacoby can get a bit whiny as the nerd, but he’s likable and has a great character arc. Stuart Fratkin is funny as Wesley’s opportunistic friend, who comes off a bit pervy, but the movie calls him out. On top of looking gorgeous, Judy Landers is fun to watch with her doe-eyed expression and soft voice. Raymond O’Connor is delightfully creepy, Olivia Barash is cute, and the rest of the cast all do a fine job. Also, cult film fans should watch for appearances from Linnea Quigley, Troy Donahue, Ginger Lynn, Michelle Bauer, and Edy Williams. At 90 minutes, the movie gets in and out fairly quickly and keeps the action going with plenty of shenanigans. Overall, Dr. Alien is stupid, but it’s an enjoyable kind of stupid.

     

    Buy Dr. Alien from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3LmBQh4.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong (2011)

    Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong (2011)

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    Like the original, Evil Bong 2: King Bong was a hit for Full Moon Features, so a sequel was inevitable. After the release of Avatar in 2009, there was a resurgence in 3D, and Charles Band wanted in on it. Band hadn’t made a 3D movie since Parasite 3D and Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn, so this was exciting. Unfortunately, he lacked those movies’ budgets, but luckily, cinematographer Thomas L. Calloway, aka Terrance Ryker, had a solution. Calloway had previously worked on the 3D film Long Day Journey, so that they could rent the equipment from that production. Full Moon held a writing contest, with the winner being video game reviewer Patrick Klepek. He sent them a complete outline, which they turned into the script, though he was given a writing credit. Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong had a small theatrical run in 2011, complete with scratch-and-sniff cards.

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    Synopsis

    Stoners Brett (Brian Lloyd) and Bachman (Mitch Eakins) are running their weed shop when a weird guy (Irwin Keyes) arrives. He found a strange alien bong near a crashed meteor and wants to sell it to them. They take it but notice an abnormal growth on his body and that the Alien Bong (Circus-Szalewski) can speak. The guys get Larnell (John Patrick Jordan) and Allistair (Peter Stickles) to help, but that’s not enough. Larnell calls Gramps (Jacob Witkin), now a weed doctor working with Nurse Hookah (Christina DeRosa), to try and help. He brings the Evil Bong Eebee (Michelle Mais) to try communicating with the Alien Bong, but even she’s perplexed. Soon, the guys are sent to the Alien Bong’s homeworld, where some foxy aliens try sucking their essence dry. Will our heroes stop this alien invasion, or will the Alien Bong be able to take over the world?

     

    Review

    If you’ve seen the first movies, you’ve more or less seen Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong. I’m not exaggerating when I say this is like the last one, but swap the jungle for outer space. While much of the cast is the same, Alistair is recast again, changing Brett Chukerman for Peter Stickles. Compared to Chukerman, Stickles plays the part more like a stereotypical nerd like David Weidoff in the original. Unfortunately, he’s not given much to do here, which might explain why he didn’t return for the later sequels. The rest of the cast plays their parts like before, with Jacob Witkin again being the highlight. Robin Sydney has a few scenes, but she’s another standout as the snobby and airheaded Luann. Also, Sonny Carl Davis looks like he’s having a good time, especially in the alien world.

    Michelle Mais is as crass and loud as Eebee, and Circus-Szalewski makes for a great contrast as the Alien Bong. He gives an appropriately stern and intellectual tone, which reminded me of Jeffrey Combs’ performance in Re-Animator. The late great Irwin Keyes is memorable in his small role, and it’s a shame he disappears after twenty minutes. You can tell these movies are getting cheaper when you look at the sets, just some tiny rooms. The alien world is just a black room with a few props and topless women with body paint. The Alien Bong prop has a unique look with its large horns and pupilless green eyes. Several spots drag at slightly under ninety minutes, and I can’t imagine 3D making this better. Overall, Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong has its moments, but the same tired material is repeated.

     

    Buy Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3L0eVrP.

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  • Necropolis (1987)

    Necropolis (1987)

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    As I mentioned in my Breeders review, Charles Band hired adult filmmaker Tim Kincaid to produce several direct-to-video movies. These were to be released under Band’s home video label, Wizard Video, which he started after leaving Meda Home Entertainment. While Kincaid was the primary director, he did hire other filmmakers for these projects, like Peter Manoogian for Enemy Territory. Enter Bruce Hickey, a theater actor from Chicago best known for playing Danny Zuko in the original production of Grease. In addition to acting, Hickey directed a few plays, including an adaptation of Hatful of Rain and Fool For Love. At some point, Tim Kincaid contacted him about producing a low-budget horror film shot in New York City. Hickey wrote a screenplay about a 300-year-old witch living in modern times, using cast and crew members from Kincaid’s camp. After a 1986 UK home video premiere, Necropolis got a 1987 US release.

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    Synopsis

    In 1686 New Amsterdam, the satanic witch Eva (LeeAnne Baker) placed a curse on Dawn (Jacquie Fitz) during her wedding. Unfortunately, Eva is killed by the local villagers before the ritual is finished, but not before swearing vengeance. Three hundred years later, Eva returns as a goth biker chick in New York City circa 1986. She uses her powers to rebuild her satanic coven and reclaim a powerful ring imbued by The Devil. After she leaves a trail of bodies, Detective Billy William (Michael Conte) investigates the deaths, which he rules as suicide. However, local reverend Tony (Andrew Bausili) believes the newly reincarnated witch killed these people. Eva can manipulate people’s minds, driving them to either self-harm or sell their souls to Satan. With the help of Detective Williams and Dawn’s descendant, Father Tony sets out to stop the witch for good.

    Review

    Given the outrageous premise, you would expect Necropolis to be a cheesy, fun, low-budget B-movie with plenty of laughs. Unfortunately, the poster and premise massively oversell the actual movie, which is a boring mess with some awful acting. LeeAnne Baker, who previously had minor roles in Breeders, Psychos in Love, and Galactic Gigolo, gets the lead role here. Sadly, it’s easy to see why she had bit parts considering her acting is on par with a bad porno. Seeing her try to be intimidating and seductive with her constant awkward dancing is unintentionally hilarious. It doesn’t help that the rest of the actors are dull and only highlight how horrendously bad Baker is. Granted, the dialogue is so bad that I can’t imagine even a good actor delivering some of these lines convincingly. Given Tim Kincaid’s involvement in this, it’s easy to see where the movie’s priorities lie.

    Like Tim Kincaid’s other productions, Ed French designed the makeup effects again, and they’re easily the best part. While we don’t get to see them much, the zombie followers of Eva look effectively creepy and weird. Also, the six breasts that Eva sprouts occasionally are done well for what it’s worth. Sadly, the same can’t be said for the general filmmaking on display, which is poor all around. So many night scenes are shot so dimly lit that it’s hard to tell what’s happening. Even at an hour and seventeen minutes, the movie drags to where you’ll be begging for the ending. I’ve seen plenty of low-budget films that didn’t have a lot of resources that still look better than this. Overall, Necropolis could’ve been a decently fun exploitation cheapie, but besides some ok makeup effects, it isn’t exciting. Moral of the story: don’t trust a movie’s box art.

     

    Buy Necropolis from Amazon: https://amzn.to/438S3xn.

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