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  • Mutant Blast (2019)

    Mutant Blast (2019)

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    Fernando Alle is a Portuguese filmmaker who started his career making short films in the late 2000s. His first three short films were 2007’s Lucky Prime, 2008’s O Rim, and 2009’s Papá Wrestling. In 2011, he directed the short film Banana Motherfucker, which won Best Short at the Buried Alive Film Festival. The short caught the attention of Troma’s Lloyd Kaufman, who released the short on DVD and on his streaming service. Kaufman was so impressed that he hired Alle for the special effects on Return to Nuke ‘Em High Volume 1. After working on Return to Return to Nuke ‘Em High Aka Vol. 2, Alle wanted to make a feature. With the support of Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz, Fernando Alle directed his first full-length feature film. While the workprint premiered in 2018 at MOTELX in Lisbon, Mutant Blast had its US premiere in 2019.

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    Synopsis

    Undercover super soldier Maria (Maria Leite) helps free TS-347 (Joaquim Guerreiro), a genetically-modified superhuman created by the government. As they escape, a horde of zombies breaks out of the compound and swarm the surrounding area. Meanwhile, Pedro (Pedro Barão Dias) wakes up from a drunken birthday party to find his friends and family dead. He runs into Maria and accidentally gets TS-347 killed, which throws a wrench in her plans. Still, she continues after her contact informs her that a boat will be waiting for her the next day. Pedro tags along, and they encounter rapists, mutants, a giant lobster, and katana-wielding dolphin, and another super soldier. Elsewhere, some government officials launch several nukes to clean up the incident, which causes Pedro and Maria to mutate. As our heroes fight their way through zombies and mutants, they soon learn to come together as friends.

     

    Review

    Going into Mutant Blast, I had no idea what to expect, and I have to say that I was impressed. Given the low budget they most likely had to work with, the production values are remarkably well-made. While there are a few CGI blood spurts, the movie uses primarily practical effects that all look impressive. From the zombie make-up and puppets to the gore and mutant designs, there’s something for everyone. The action sequences are well choreographed, and the filmmakers shoot them in a way so you can see what’s happening. The movie makes excellent use of color as they use various filters to help accentuate the scenes. Also, the synth score by Antoni Maiovvi adds to the film’s style, which evokes elements of John Carpenter. It reminds me of a cross between early Sam Raimi/Peter Jackson and Astron-6 movies like Father’s Day.

    As over-the-top as the movie is, what makes it work is that the actors treat the material seriously. Pedro Barão Dias and Maria Leite deliver their lines as if they were in a straight science-fiction movie. Granted, they crack a joke every now and then, but the humor never feels forced or overly self-aware. Everything here feels genuine, which is a refreshing change of pace from most modern B-movies that are purposely bad. Also, Maria Leite fits her role perfectly as a badass soldier who can more than take care of herself. Conversely, Pedro Barão Dias works as the lovable idiot sidekick who means well but fumbles about. While this movie won’t appeal to everyone, fans of low-budget B-movies will get a kick out of this. Overall, Mutant Blast is a fun, exciting, blood-soaked, ridiculous romp whose insanity is only matched by the filmmakers’ passion.

     

    Buy Mutant Blast from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3SAY2FU.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

    The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

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    With the rise in popularity of slasher films, feminist writer Rita Mae Brown wrote a screenplay called Sleepless Nights. Brown originally wrote the script as a parody of slashers, but New World Pictures chose to make it serious. Around this time, Amy Holden Jones worked as an editor for Roger Corman on movies like Hollywood Boulevard. While she found success as an editor and even got a job editing E.T., she wanted to go into directing. Jones turned to Roger Corman for a chance to be a director, who gave her a copy of Brown’s script. Under the title Don’t Open the Door, Jones rewrote the script and and shot the first eight pages. Corman was so impressed that he gave Jones a $200,000 budget to film the entire screenplay, which took 38 days. Now titled The Slumber Party Massacre, the movie premiered in Los Angeles in September 1982.

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    Synopsis

    When her parents leave for a trip, high school senior Trish Deveraux (Michelle Michaels) decides to throw a slumber party. She invites her friends Kim Clarke (Debra Deliso), Jackie Cassidy (Andree Honore), and Diane (Gina Mari) to the party. Little do they know that mental patient Russ Thorn (Michael Villella) has escaped and is going on a killing spree. Armed with a portable power drill, he kills a telephone worker and a high school student named Linda (Brinke Stevens). That night, the girls go to Trish’s house for the party while new girl Valerie (Robin Stille) babysits her sister. Unfortunately, the party goes wrong when the pizza delivery guy arrives with his eyes drilled out by Russ. The girls arm themselves while local guys Jeff (David Millbern) and Neil (Joseph Alan Johnson) go for help. Unfortunately, they die by Russ’ drill, so it’s up to the girls to stop him.

     

    Review

    Admittedly, The Slumber Party Massacre is a reasonably standard slasher film on the surface, but there’s more to it. While the producers stripped away much of the satire, there are still remnants left that are effective. There are some clever sight gags and moments where the filmmakers reverse the typical roles in slasher films. It shows that women can direct an effective slasher like their male counterparts, such as John Carpenter and Sean Cunningham. Sure, there’s plenty of nudity and blood for the typical audience, but it shows women can make this movie, too. Director Amy Holden Jones creates compelling suspense and tension with subtle camera moments, harsh shadows, and blurry perspectives. Michelle Michaels makes for a likable final girl, though the late Robin Stille stands out as the timid new girl. Her scenes with Jennifer Meyers as her younger sister are highlights of the film.

    While much of the film is comedic, Michael Villella plays the part of the killer with the utmost seriousness. He’s a man of few words, primarily relying on facial expressions and body movements to make himself compelling. When he does talk in the third act, he delivers his line with such intensity and mad glee. Even though there’s not much to his backstory, Thorn is an effective slasher with his signature power drill. Speaking of the power drill, it works as the film’s central symbolism, that of the fear of sex. Given the shots of Thorn with the power drill between his legs, the symbolism is pretty on the nose. At 76 minutes in length, the movie is tightly paced and gets in and out without much padding. Overall, The Slumber Party Massacre is entertaining as a straight slasher and a satire of the subgenre.

     

    Buy The Slumber Party Massacre from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3aZ8JAI.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Tenebre (1982)

    Tenebre (1982)

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    In the annals of Italian horror cinema, Dario Argento is one of the most celebrated filmmakers in the genre. In the early 1970s, Argento made a name for himself directing “giallos,” which were Italian murder mysteries with excessive gore. Some of his works included The Bird with the Crystal Plumage, The Cat o’ Nine Tails, and Deep Red. In 1977, he directed what’s considered his most famous film, the supernatural horror film Suspiria, which was remade in 2019. Argento followed this up with the 1980 supernatural horror film Inferno, which wasn’t as successful as its predecessor. Due to the film underperforming, Argento decided to return to his roots with a new Giallo. He based the film on real-life experiences, namely being harassed by a stalker and seeing the violence in the news. After a ten-week shoot in Rome, Dario Argento’s Tenebre hit theaters worldwide amidst a slew of controversies.

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    Synopsis

    American horror writer Peter Neal (Anthony Franciosa) is touring Italy to promote his latest book, Tenebre. His agent Bullmer (John Saxon) and his assistant Anne (Daria Nicolodi) are accompanying him, but his trip hits a snag. After a local girl dies, the killer sends Peter a letter saying his books inspired the killing. Detective Giermani (Giuliano Gemma) and his partner Altieri (Carola Stagnaro) are on the case and watching Peter. Meanwhile, the murders continue, including a lesbian journalist named Tilde (Mirella D’Angelo) and her lover Marion (Mirella Banti). Peter suspects TV interviewer Christiano Berti (John Steiner) of the murders, but he gets killed with an ax. As the killings continue, Peter wants to leave Italy and take a short vacation, though Bullmer wants him to stay. Who is this mysterious killer, why are they obsessed with Peter’s work, and who will be the next victim?

     

    Review

    Even though it’s not as well-known as movies like Suspiria, I’d argue that Tenebre is one of Argento’s best works. Like many of Argento’s works, the violence is as beautiful as it is horrific, which isn’t easy to do. Unlike other Italian directors who go for the jugular and make the violence savage, Argento presents the violence artistically. For instance, there’s a scene where a woman’s arm gets cut off, and a fountain of blood sprays out. How Argento handles the scene, it looks like she’s painting the walls with her blood, contrasting the white with red. For historical context, Tenebre ended up on the UK’s Video Nasties list, which included Bloody Moon, Absurd, and Antropophagus. It’s easy to see why given how vicious the kills are here, even by Argento’s standards. You almost get the feeling Argento uses violence to lash out at his critics.

    Acting-wise, everyone does a good job, with Franciosa and Saxon, in particular, standing out, though Gemma and Nicolodi are memorable. While Argento claims that Franciosa was one of the most challenging actors he’s worked with, he still comes off likable. Saxon is particularly noteworthy as the sleazy literary agent who cares more about the book tour than the murders. While there’s not much to her character, Daria Nicolodi has decent chemistry with Franciosa and they work well together. Another highlight of the movie is the score composed by Goblin members Claudio Simonetti, Fabio Pignatelli, and Massimo Morante. It’s very upbeat and lively and fits with the tone with its blend of rock and disco. Admittedly, the story can be confusing, and the ending comes out of nowhere, but that’s typical of Italian horror. Overall, Tenebre is a stylishly violent giallo with memorable kills, exciting characters, and a great score.

     

    Buy Tenebre from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3zFRFs6.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (2010)

    Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (2010)

    [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.17.6″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]After the release of Puppet Master: The Legacy in 2003, Charles Band agreed that the series was in turmoil. Having rebranded his company as Full Moon Features, Band announced several sequels to past series in 2008. One of the sequels announced was a new Puppet Master movie that returned to Part 3’s WWII setting. To that end, Band hired series veteran David DeCoteau to direct and writer Dominic Muir for the screenplay. Like Killjoy 3, this entry would be filmed at ACE Studios in Foshan, Guangdong, China, founded by co-producer Henry Luk. In place of the original “Videozone,” Charles Band introduced the “Vidcasts,” a series of behind-the-scenes videos fans could follow along. Fans were cautious about whether or not this would live up to the prime era of Full Moon. After having its 2009 release pushed back, Puppet Master: Axis of Evil was released on DVD and Blu-Ray in 2010.

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    Synopsis

    At the Bodega Bay Inn in 1939, young carpenter Danny Coogan (Levi Fiehler) witnesses two Nazi spies entering Toulon’s room. The spies, Max (Tom Sandoval) and Klaus (Aaron Riber), find that Toulon killed himself and leave the hotel empty-handed. After they go, Danny finds Toulon’s puppet trunk hidden away and takes it back home with him. Meanwhile, Max and Klaus reconvene with Japanese saboteur Lady Ozu (Ada Chao), who plans to destroy an American manufacturing plant. Danny’s girlfriend Beth (Jenna Gallaher) at the plant works in the office and gets roped into the sabotaging plot. Soon enough, the Nazis kill Danny’s mother and brother, holding Beth hostage in a Chinese opera house. The Nazis are interested in Toulon’s secret to bringing the dead back to life, which is how the puppets move. With help from Blade, Pinhead, Tunneler, Leech Woman, Jester, and a Ninja puppet, Danny must stop the Nazis.

     

    Review

    While it doesn’t quite live up to Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge, Puppet Master: Axis of Evil is decent. For their low budget, the filmmakers managed to produce a movie that doesn’t look half bad. DeCoteau takes full advantage of the Chinatown locations and injects plenty of fog and shadows to add a noir look. Admittedly, it’s evident in the opening when they cut between the stock footage and the new footage. Still, the attention to detail is impressive, and the recreation of Toulon’s room, in particular, is solid. Also, the new score from longtime composer Richard Band is excellent, mixing the original music with a new track. Though David Allen’s stop-motion is sorely missed, the puppet effects look pretty good, though some of the movements are jerky. Also, adding a new ninja puppet is a nice touch that fits with the regulars.

    Performance-wise, the cast generally does a good job, though there are some that stick out in a wrong way. Levi Fiehler is likable as a young man who wants to serve his country despite his condition. Jenna Gallaher is solid as his love interest Beth, and Taylor M. Graham stands out as Danny’s older brother. When it comes to the villains, the acting ranges from good to awful, though not without some caveats. Tom Sandoval is easily the best of the villains, while Ada Chao gives a very stilted and unnatural performance. I’m unsure if it’s because she doesn’t speak English and had to learn her lines phonetically, but it sounds awful. At slightly under 90 minutes, there isn’t a ton of filler, and it gets the job done relatively quickly. Overall, Puppet Master: Axis of Evil isn’t one of the best, but it’s not one of the worst either.

     

    Buy Puppet Master: Axis of Evil from:

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

    The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

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    In 1844, Alexandre Dumas published the novel Le Comte de Monte-Cristo, which became an instant hit in Europe. Dumas and Auguste Maquet first adapted the book to the stage in four parts between 1848 and 1851. With the invention of film, it wouldn’t be long until Dumas’ novel got its first big screen adaptation. The earliest movie version was a silent film in 1908, a filmed version of the stage play. The first sound version, directed by Rowland V. Lee and starring Robert Donat, was released in 1934, spawning two sequels. Between 1942 and 1986, several movie adaptations from around the world were made, including Mexico, Egypt, Malaysia, and Hong Kong. In the early 2000s, Disney acquired the rights under their Touchstone Pictures label and hired Kevin Reynolds for an adaptation. His film version, titled simply The Count of Monte Cristo, hit theaters in January 2002.

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    Synopsis

    In 1815 France, sailor Edmond Dantès (Jim Caviezel) becomes captain and plans on marrying his girlfriend Mercédès (Dagmara Domińczyk). However, his old friend Fernand Mondego (Guy Pearce), fueled by jealousy, frames Edmond for treason and has him imprisoned. Six years later, Edmond meets fellow prisoner Abbé Faria (Richard Harris), who has been imprisoned for eleven years. Faria has been digging an escape tunnel, and Edmond agrees to help if he teaches him how to read/write. Over the next seven years, Edmond becomes more intelligent and a gifted swordsman as he helps Faria escape. Unfortunately, Faria dies, so Edmond escapes on his own and joins a group of smugglers. Using a map Faria gave him, Edmond and fellow smuggler Jacopo (Luis Guzmán) find tons of treasure and become aristocrats. Having declared himself “The Count of Monte Cristo,” Edmond seeks revenge against Fernand and hopes to win Mercédès back.

     

    Review

    I’m not sure how accurate this movie is to the book, but The Count of Monte Cristo is still fantastic. This movie is the sort of old-fashioned, swashbuckling adventure film that we don’t see very often anymore. Considering this movie cost roughly $35 million to produce, this looks way more expensive than the budget would suggest. Most of the filming was in Malta, with some in Ireland, and the filmmakers took full advantage of these locations. After directing huge adventure films like Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Waterworld, Kevin Reynolds was a perfect choice. He keeps the plot moving at a crisp pace and never bogs the story down with pointless filler scenes. It helps that everyone in the cast does a great job, particularly Caviezel, Pearce, Harris, and Guzmán. In addition, a pre-Man of Steel Henry Cavill makes an appearance as the son of Mondego and Mercédès.

    Caviezel makes for a likable protagonist that grows from a humble sailor into a confident count on his revenge quest. Pearce does a great job as a hateable antagonist that you enjoy seeing get his comeuppance. Even though his screentime is short, Richard Harris brings a lot as the sage-like Faria that trains Edmond. Similarly, Luis Guzmán stands out as Edmond’s right-hand man, who sticks by his side no matter what. The sword-fighting sequences, particularly the final battle between Edmond and Fernand, are expertly choreographed and well-staged. Admittedly, the first act drags in quite a few spots as it’s mostly exposition leading up to Edmond’s framing. Aside from that, this is an enjoyable swashbuckling adventure that’s still entertaining, even if it doesn’t do anything revolutionary. Overall, The Count of Monte Cristo is an exciting adventure film with a great cast, thrilling action, and fantastic locations.

     

    Buy The Count of Monte Cristo from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3bjcpO9.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Zombie Island Massacre (1984)

    Zombie Island Massacre (1984)

    [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.17.6″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]Born in Newark in 1922, John N. Carter has worked as an editor in the film industry since the 1960s. His first credit was the 1968 sports movie Paper Lion, directed by Alex Marsh with Alan Alda and Lauren Hutton. He also edited the 1972 film The Hearbreak Kid, which earned Oscar nominations for actors Eddie Albert and Jeannie Berlin. Carter got a BAFTA award nomination for best editing for his work on Milos Forman’s 1971 film Taking Off. In the early 1980s, Carter got the chance to direct his first feature film, originally titled The Last Picnic. The film gained notable publicity for starring Rita Jenrette, who made headlines after having sex on the Capitol steps. Filming took place in Jamaica for five weeks, from January to March 1983, and Troma picked up the distribution rights. Before its 1984 release, Troma changed the title to Zombie Island Massacre.

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    Synopsis

    A group of American tourists is vacationing in the Caribbean and decide to stop at a nearby island. The local tour guide (Dennis Stephenson) takes them to St. Marie to witness a live voodoo ritual. The voodoo priest (Trevor Reid) uses goat blood to bring a dead man back from the grave before dispatching him. As the group returns to their bus, they find that the driver is gone, and there’s blood everywhere. With few options available, they decide to hold up in a nearby house until help hopefully arrives. Unfortunately, a group of locals starts swarming the place and picking off the tourists. Heads get chopped off, bodies get stabbed, and machetes make direct contact with people’s faces. But who will make it out alive as these unlucky tourists try to survive the zombie island massacre? However, not everything is as it seems on this island.

     

    Review

    To get this out of the way, the title Zombie Island Massacre isn’t entirely false, but it’s still a lie. There is an island and a massacre (kind of), but there aren’t any zombies or at least traditional ones. We get voodoo zombies, but even that’s a stretch since we only get the one ritual scene. The movie plays more like a slasher film than a zombie film, from the body count to the death scenes. The fact that Harry Manfredini, composer of the Friday the 13th movies, recycled his score adds to it. Even then, the kills aren’t all that interesting, as most occur offscreen with little to no suspense. There is a surprisingly decent decapitation where the head moves a bit before dying, but that’s about it. Aside from that, it’s primarily dull scenes of people sitting around doing nothing and talking nonsense.

    Most of the acting is pretty sub-standard, with everyone doing the bare minimum with their performances. Rita Jenrette does her best with the bit of material she has to work with. Granted, the filmmakers most likely hired her because she could do nudity, which there’s plenty of here. To John N. Carter’s credit, the direction is pretty solid, and they took full advantage of the filming locations. Also, there are some genuinely funny moments, but whether they’re amusing on purpose is anyone’s guess. In addition to Manfredini’s score, there’s a pretty catchy reggae song on the soundtrack that’s worth a listen. Still, these few positive aspects can’t compensate for the viewing experience’s dullness. The movie is an endurance test best enjoyed with friends and drinks at an hour and twenty-eight minutes. Overall, Zombie Island Massacre isn’t awful, but there are much better slasher/zombie films you could be watching instead.

     

    Buy Zombie Island Massacre from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3CdcfoQ.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • The NeverEnding Story (1984)

    The NeverEnding Story (1984)

    [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_fullwidth_header title=”Special Review” subhead=”This review is a special request from Patreon supporter BodaciousCNO. If you’d like to support me on Patreon, click the button below.” text_orientation=”center” button_one_text=”Visit Patreon” button_one_url=”https://www.patreon.com/filmnerd” background_overlay_color=”#f96854″ _builder_version=”4.17.6″ _module_preset=”default” title_level=”h2″ background_color=”#f96854″ custom_button_one=”on” button_one_bg_color=”#052d49″ custom_margin=”||||false|false” custom_padding=”25px||25px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_fullwidth_header][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.17.6″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]

    In 1979, West German publisher Thienemann Verlag published Die unendliche Geschichte by author Michael Ende, which became an instant bestseller. The book was translated to English by Ralph Manheim and hit English and American book stores in 1983. Like in its home country, the book was also a hit, and it wasn’t long before movie studios came calling. German producer Bernd Eichinger became interested when his daughter suggested he adapt the book into a movie. Eichinger hired Wolfgang Petersen, who recently earned two Oscar nominations for 1981’s Das Boot, to helm the project. Michael Ende initially worked with Petersen as a script advisor but left when Petersen majorly rewrote the script. Ende felt the film deviated so much from the book that he tried suing the producers but ultimately lost. Regardless, Warner Bros. picked up the distribution rights and released The NeverEnding Story in the US in July 1984.

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_circle_counter title=”Rating” number=”90″ bar_bg_color=”#7CDA24″ _builder_version=”4.17.6″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_circle_counter][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.17.6″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]

    Synopsis

    Bastian (Barret Oliver) is a shy 10-year-old kid who’s shy, loves books, and lives with his widowed dad. On his way to school, Bastian runs from a couple of bullies, and he hides out in a local bookstore. There, Bastian meets the owner Mr. Coreander (Thomas Hill), who warns him about The NeverEnding Story, claiming it isn’t safe. With his curiosity piqued, Bastian grabs the book and runs off to school, where he hides in the attic. He starts reading the story about Fantasia, a fantasy land threatened by an evil force called “The Nothing.” A young warrior named Atreyu (Noah Hathaway) quests for a cure for the Childlike Empress (Tami Stronach). It turns out she’s the only one who can stop “The Nothing” before it devours all of Fantasia. Along the way, Atreyu meets several characters who will either help him or try to stop him.

     

    Review

    The NeverEnding Story is one of those movies where you could add darker elements and still get a PG rating. It’s from a bygone era of children’s movies where you could take risks and add dark subject matter. There’s the infamous scene where Atreyu’s horse lets himself sink into the Swamps of Sadness because of his depression. You also have characters who are apathetic over the situation, whether it’s the giant turtle Morla or the Rockbiter. It helps that there are characters like Falkor, the luck dragon, and a couple of gnomes to balance the dreariness. They help to show kids that, even when things seem dark, there’s always hope if you continue to persevere. Not every kid’s movie has to have darker moments, but it’s a shame that everyone plays it so safe nowadays. But that’s a discussion for another time.

    For an 80s family film, the child acting is surprisingly good, particularly from Noah Hathaway as Atreyu. He embodies all the traits we aspire to have: courage, determination, a willingness never to give up, and fierce devotion. Also, the puppets and animatronics are astounding, especially the Rockbiter, Morla the turtle, and Falkor, the luck dragon. Each of them feels like a fully realized character with weight, something sorely lacking in today’s CGI-riddled entertainment. Admittedly, some compositing shots stick out severely, but that’s par for the course for movies around this time. It’s also refreshing to have a fantasy film where the villain isn’t a wizard or monster but a nonphysical being. The Nothing could almost be a metaphor for kids losing their imagination, which this movie should hopefully reinvigorate. Overall, The NeverEnding Story is a beautiful, albeit bleak fantasy film that kids and adults of all ages can enjoy.

     

    Buy The NeverEnding Story from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3uV7U2S.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • The Alchemist (1983)

    The Alchemist (1983)

    [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.17.6″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]Between 1979 and 1984, Charles Band struggled to make a name for himself in the film industry. His producing partners Irwin Yablans and Joseph Wolf ousted Band from Meda Home Entertainment, which he helped establish in 1978. Around this time, Charles got involved with producer Billy Fine and his company Ideal Films. He and producer Lawrence Applebaum were working on a project with director Craig Mitchell that wasn’t going well. About halfway through the shoot, Fine and Applebaum decided to hire Band to replace Mitchell as the director. Charles brought regulars like Ted Nicolaou, J Larry Carroll, Steve Neill, Paul Gentry, and his brother Richard. Despite being shot in 1981, it wasn’t released in the UK until 1983 and in the US in 1985. It wasn’t until March 1986 that The Alchemist got a wide theatrical release in the United States.

    [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_circle_counter title=”Rating” number=”40″ bar_bg_color=”#E09900″ _builder_version=”4.17.6″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_circle_counter][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]

    Synopsis

    In 1871, the alchemist Aaron (Robert Ginty) saw a dark wizard, DelGatto (Robert Glaudini), seducing his wife, Anna. Aaron tries stopping DelGatto only to stab his wife accidentally, which curses him to live forever as a monster. Cut to 1955, where Lenora (Lucinda Dooling) has quit her waitress job and is driving through the desert. Along the way, she picks up hitchhiker Cameron (John Sanderford) when she starts experiencing weird flashes of DelGatto. Elsewhere, Aaron stalks the nearby woods as a monster while his elderly daughter Esther (Viola Kates Stimpson) cares for him. Soon enough, Aaron and Lenora cross paths, and it turns out she’s the reincarnation of his late wife, Anna. With DelGatto hot on their trail, they decide to team up to free Aaron of his curse and stop DelGatto. It’s the ultimate magical duel as the dark wizard clashes with the alchemist!

     

    Review

    Having now seen The Alchemist, I fully understand why the film took so long to get a release. It’s because this is one of the most boring movies I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying a lot. The movie has a decent, albeit goofy, beginning and some solid opening credits, but everything grinds to a halt afterward. Most of the film centers on two bland leads that offer nothing of substance and barely progress the story. Every so often, we’ll cut back to Robert Ginty struggling with his curse, which is mildly interesting. Robert Ginty’s performance is way too good for this movie, especially coming off the wildly entertaining vigilante film, The Exterminator. Speaking of things being way too good, Richard Band’s score is epic, bombastic, and belongs in a better fantasy film. Plus, the finale offers some decent creature and gore effects, but that’s about it.

    As easy as it would be to criticize Charles Band as a director, I can’t blame him, considering the circumstances. Unlike Parasite 3D, Metalstorm, or Trancers, this was a work-for-hire job rather than something he had invested in making. It doesn’t help that much of the nighttime footage is so physically dark that it’s hard to tell what’s happening. That might explain why cinematographer Andrew W. Friend only has one other credit to his name, 1982’s The Concrete Jungle. Honestly, there’s not much else I can talk about, considering what little happens during its one-hour and eighteen-minute runtime. It might be worth a watch for curious onlookers and Charles Band completionists, but it’s best avoided otherwise. Granted, Charles Band may not have started Empire Pictures without this movie, so there’s that at least. Overall, The Alchemist is a dull excuse for a fantasy-horror film that’s better left forgotten.

     

    Buy The Alchemist from Amazon: https://amzn.to/4iPqFed.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • The First Turn-On!! (1983)

    The First Turn-On!! (1983)

    [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.17.6″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]By the early 1980s, Troma wasn’t the only studio producing sex comedies as Hollywood soon followed in their wake. In 1982, 20th Century Fox released Bob Clark’s Porky’s, which became the fifth highest-grossing film of the year. This success led to a wave of teen sex comedies, including Risky Business, Bachelor Party, The Last American Virgin, etc. Seeing this as the end of their run, Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz decided to produce one more sex comedy. For inspiration, Herz remembered how he met his wife while attending summer camp as a child. Since summer camp is a time most people remember fondly, they chose to base their movie around that. With their small cast and crew, they filmed in parts of New York and Pennsylvania for this summer camp romp. After screening at Cannes in May 1983, The First Turn-On made its way onto screens that November.

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    Synopsis

    It’s the last day of summer at Camp Big-Tee-Pee, and the kids can’t wait to go home. Before that, hippie counselor Michelle Farmer (Georgia Harrell) takes some of the campers on a hiking trip. Four campers – Mitch (Michael Sanville), Henry (Googy Gress), Danny (John Flood), and Annie (Heidi Miller) – decide to break off. They go to a remote cave to smoke some marijuana, only for Michelle to catch them in the act. Unfortunately, a freak landslide causes a cave-in, trapping our stoned-out campers and their counselor with little hope of escape. To pass the time, they decide to each tell the story of how they lost their virginity. Mitch talks about losing it to a hooker, Danny meeting his dream girl, and Annie frolicking in a barn. As further hijinks ensue at the camp, our five heroes recount how they had their first turn-on!

     

    Review

    While Lloyd Kaufman considers Stuck on You the best of the sex comedies, fans say The First Turn-On is superior. As ambitious as the previous movie was, I agree with the fans who prefer this one over the last three. Like the previous film, this one is an anthology movie, but the stories here actually involve the central characters. Because of this, the stories feel more personal instead of random sketches with nothing relevant to the overall narrative. However, one problem with this film is that it frequently cuts away to what’s happening at camp. These scenes hardly further the story and feel like they’re out of a completely different movie. What we get is a weird cross between a summer camp movie and a sex anthology you’d find on Cinemax. It doesn’t help that, without spoiling too much, the stories ultimately have an unsatisfying payoff.

    The acting is about what you’d expect from this kind of film, with everyone constantly mugging for the camera. While most of the cast is relatively unknown, there are a few stand-outs for Troma fans. Mark Torgl, who later played Melvin in The Toxic Avenger, has a memorable role as a disgusting ex-lover of Michelle. Speaking of, one of the mayor’s goons in that film was actor Al Pia, who played the camp director here. Probably the biggest name here is a then-unknown Vincent D’Onofrio, four years before his iconic role in Full Metal Jacket. While he’s only on-screen briefly, you can see some of the manic energy he’d bring to the Kubrick classic. There’s so much nudity, crass humor, and tasteless gags that it becomes overkill, which might be why they stopped. Overall, The First Turn-On is arguably the best of the four, but it’s more of the same.

     

    Buy The First Turn-On from Amazon: https://amzn.to/4fNXZl1.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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    Where to watch The First Turn-On!! (1983)

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  • The Northman (2022)

    The Northman (2022)

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    Having been born in Sweden, actor Alexander Skarsgård was fascinated by Viking history and wanted to make a Viking-themed movie. Warner Bros attached him to a 2011 film called The Vanguard, which unfortunately never came to fruition. Fast forward to 2016, when filmmaker Robert Eggers went on vacation to Iceland with his wife, Alexandra Shaker. During the trip, Eggers met singer/songwriter Björk, who introduced him to writer/collaborator Sjón, who Eggers would reach out to later. In 2017, Eggers met Skarsgård to discuss future projects when the idea of a Viking-themed movie came up. Eggers announced the film in 2019, with Skarsgård, Anya Taylor-Joy, Nicole Kidman, and Willem Dafoe in the cast. Filming was supposed to start in March 2020 but got delayed to August due to COVID-19. After lengthy post-production, The Northman premiered at the Rigoletto Cinema in March 2022 before a wide release that April.

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    Synopsis

    In AD 895, Prince Amleth (Oscar Novak) witnesses his uncle Fjölnir (Claes Bang) kill his father, King Aurvandill (Ethan Hawke). In a state of panic, Amleth grabs a boat and rows away, swearing vengeance on his uncle. Years later, an adult Amleth (Alexander Skarsgård) is part of a band of Vikings, pillaging and ravaging local towns. During a raid, Amleth encounters a Seeress (Björk), who tells Amleth that he’ll find vengeance and where to find Fjölnir. Amleth, posing as a slave, is taken to Fjölnir’s farm, where he sees his mother Gudrún (Nicole Kidman) married him. He also meets Olga (Anya Taylor-Joy), a Slavic witch who becomes his lover and works with him to escape. Over time, they slowly pick off Fjölnir’s men and create paranoia around the farm, while Amleth gains favor with Fjölnir. Soon enough, he learns who Amleth is, and the final battle commences.

     

    Review

    People expecting something like Robert Eggers’ other work, The Witch or The Lighthouse, might be somewhat disappointed. Sure, The Northman doesn’t have the horror elements of those two movies, but it’s nonetheless a remarkable film. With a budget of around $70-$90 million, this is easily Eggers’ largest and most ambitious movie to date. Thankfully, the bigger budget doesn’t mean the qualities that made Eggers famous are diluted or dialed back. Like his two previous films, this one has an extraordinary, almost dreamlike quality that makes it feel other-worldly. Some people have compared this movie to Conan The Barbarian, but it’s not quite as bombastic as the 1982 epic. Sure, there’s plenty of action and brutal violence, but the film has a much slower pace and takes its time. This movie isn’t a straight-up action/adventure film but a methodical, suspenseful epic emphasizing story and character.

    Like his previous efforts, Eggers’ direction is top-notch, and he makes excellent use of the Irish filming locations. Alexander Skarsgård is an absolute powerhouse playing Prince Amleth, bringing a quiet intensity to the role. While he doesn’t have much dialogue, his physique and glowering stare tell you he means business. Anya Taylor-Joy is captivating as a forest witch who seems inexplicably drawn to Amleth but is nonetheless loyal to him. Claes Bang works as the central antagonist, though there are moments of humanity where you almost sympathize with him. Perhaps the biggest stand-out is Nicole Kidman, who plays her part very deviously like she’s ready to betray her husband. While the story is a fairly simple revenge story, the acting, pacing, style, and action make it compelling. Overall, The Northman is another great film from Robert Eggers and easily one of the best movies of 2022.

     

    Buy The Northman from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3RCowX5.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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