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Category: Troma Tuesdays

  • Sugar Cookies (1973)

    Sugar Cookies (1973)

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    Years before forming Troma Entertainment, Lloyd Kaufman was studying at Yale University alongside lifelong friend and future filmmaker Oliver Stone. In the mid-1960s, both decided to take a hiatus from Yale: Lloyd went to Chad and Oliver served in Vietnam. After returning to Yale, Kaufman decided to pursue filmmaking, starting with 1969’s The Girl Who Returned. Later on, he started working at Cannon Films alongside John G. Avildsen, who later directed Rocky and The Karate Kid. In 1971, Kaufman directed his follow-up film, The Battle of Love’s Return, which featured his old friend Oliver Stone acting. It was on said film that Kaufman met future cult actress Lynn Lowry, who he was immediately smitten by. He cast her in his next film, which was directed by Theodore Gershuny, who previously directed Silent Night, Bloody Night. That film was finally released to theaters in 1973 as Sugar Cookies.

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    Synopsis

    During a bizarre sexual teasing, actress Alta Leigh (Lynn Lowry) is killed by her pornographer boyfriend Max Pavell (George Shannon). Following her death, Max and his other lover Camilla Stone (Mary Woronov) look for another girl to manipulate. During auditions, Camilla meets Julie Kent (Lynn Lowry), an aspiring actress who looks exactly like Alta. Camilla decides to befriend Julie and earn her trust in an attempt to turn her into Alta for Max. Over the course of a few days, Julie starts growing close to Camilla, completely unaware of her true intentions. Meanwhile, Max is having an affair with his secretary (Jennifer Welles) and manipulating his nephew Gus (Daniel Sadur). Soon, Max meets Julie and is immediately smitten by her, though he’s unaware of what Camilla is up to. It all culminates in an explosive twist that will leave you on the edge of your seat.

     

    Review

    Lloyd Kaufman has described Sugar Cookies as “the only X-rated film in history to ever lose money.” Admittedly, it’s easy to see how this could’ve lost money since it’d be hard to sell a film like this. People expecting this to be some sort of 70s sex romp are going to be somewhat disappointed. While there’s plenty of nudity, there are not very many sex scenes, and they’re pretty softcore by 70s standards. Also, there are weird comedic moments sprinkled in, mostly with the Gus character, that clash with the overall film. One minute, you’re watching an erotic thriller, when suddenly a jovial song called “Big Gus, What’s The Fuss?” is playing. While it’s common to inject some humor into a thriller, it’s not really built up and comes out of nowhere. It’s almost on par with The Last House on the Left, though this isn’t quite as disturbing.

    Despite its flaws, this is still a very interesting and fairly well-made erotic thriller even factoring in its low budget. Kaufman said this was meant to be in the style of a Hitchcock thriller, and I think they succeeded. The film deals with themes like an identity crisis, infidelity, manipulation, and generally using people to satisfy your own needs. Lynn Lowry is incredible in her contrasting dual roles as the bitchy Alta and the innocent Julie. Mary Woronov is spot-on as the cold-hearted Camilla, always sporting a face that conveys how manipulative she is. George Shannon also does a great job playing a manipulative and uncaring sleazebag who you love to hate. While the film can get slow at times and has one too many montages, it’s still a breezy watch. Overall, Sugar Cookies is an interesting relic of 70s low-budget cinema that’s worth discovering.

     

    Buy Sugar Cookies from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3x4Yh1f

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  • Bloodsucking Freaks (1976)

    Bloodsucking Freaks (1976)

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    New York-based filmmaker Joel M. Reed started in the adult industry directing films like Career Bed and Sex by Advertisement. Going into the 70s, he directed Wit’s End, which was finished in 1971 but not released until 1975. He made his transition into horror with 1975’s Blood Bath, which featured early appearances from Doris Roberts and P.J. Soles. Around this time, he was working on a film about a rock star haunted by a groupie’s ghost. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get that off the ground, so he instead made a horror comedy that incorporated S&M and ballet. Initially titled Sardu, Master of the Screaming Virgins, the film was released in 1976 as The Incredible Torture Show. Years later, Troma acquired the film and re-released it, but got in trouble after releasing it uncut with an R-rating. Having become the subject of controversy, the film gained a cult reputation as Bloodsucking Freaks.

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    Synopsis

    Sardu (Seamus O’Brien) runs an off-Broadway show called “Theatre of the Macabre” with his diminutive assistant Ralphus (Luis De Jesus). Their show mainly consists of them brutally torturing and killing various naked women they get through the white slave trade. During a show, theatre critic Creasy Silo (Alan Dellay) denounces the show and refuses to even give a negative review. As revenge, Sardu has Ralphus and one of his girls kidnap Creasy to torture him for a positive review. To try and elevate the show, Sardu also sets his sights on famed ballerina Natasha Di Natalie (Viju Krem). When she refuses to participate, Sardu forces her to watch as they dismember and kill various women in gruesome ways. Meanwhile, her football-player boyfriend Tom Maverick (Niles McMaster) enlists Detective John Tucci (Dan Fauci) to help find her. What horrors await our heroes as they venture into Sardu’s Theatre of the Macabre?

     

    Review

    Bloodsucking Freaks has been discussed to death since its release, so there’s not much that hasn’t already been said. It’s vile, it’s graphic, it’s sleazy, it’s misogynistic, it’s ridiculous, it’s campy, it’s juvenile, and other adjectives. Since much more graphic films have been made in later years, this one is fairly tame by comparison. The gore in this film is about on par with a Herschel Gordon Lewis movie, including the bright red blood. That being said, some sequences are still pretty gruesome even by today’s standards, though most of them are implied. One involves a deranged doctor pulling a woman’s teeth out and drilling a hole in her head to drink from. If nothing else, this film has some creative ways by which they dispatch their victims, which keeps things somewhat original. It’s definitely not for the squeamish, but there’s far worse out there.

    This is a somewhat impossible film to review since the filmmakers clearly weren’t going for some sort of artistic vision. They clearly wanted to make a film that featured naked women being tortured and maimed in gratuitous ways. That said, I will say that the film has an almost hypnotic quality to it, like you can’t look away. Also, the film benefits from being filmed in 1970s New York, where every street corner had grime and grit. Acting-wise, it runs the gambit from being pretty bad to somewhat decent, though Seamus O’Brien is easily the best actor. It’s a shame he was killed shortly after making this film because he could’ve been a great character actor. In fact, many of the people involved have died over the years, which adds to its overall mystique. Overall, Bloodsucking Freaks isn’t for everyone, but it’s an interesting footnote in exploitation cinema.

     

    Buy Bloodsucking Freaks from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3a8agBo

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  • Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (1990)

    Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (1990)

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    While filming The Toxic Avenger Part II in Japan, Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz were approached with a lucrative deal. Apparently, The Toxic Avenger was very popular in the Land of the Rising Sun where it was a major hit. Tetsu Fujimura and Masaya Nakamura from Namco approached Kaufman and Herz to develop a film about a kabuki-themed superhero. Supposedly based on an idea from Kaufman, Namco agreed to put up half a million dollars for the budget. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned early on, as there were disagreements between the filmmakers and the producers. Namco and Herz agreed to make a family-friendly film for kids, but Kaufman wanted it made as another Troma movie. After premiering at the American Film Institute in 1990, the actual film didn’t see a wide release until 1996. So, with that out of the way, let’s examine Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.!

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    Synopsis

    Harry Griswold (Rick Gianasi) is a New York police detective who enjoys fast food and is pretty clumsy. One night, he attends a Kabuki show, when suddenly the actors are gunned down, prompting Griswold to intervene. During the gunfight, he’s forcibly kissed by one of the dying actors, which gives him special Kabuki powers. The next day, his superior Captain Bender (Noble Lee Lester) chews him out claiming that Griswold shot at security officers. Griswold suspects that wealthy businessman Reginald Stuart (Bill Weeden) is somehow involved, but he’s got connections to discredit Griswold. When his partner Connie LaRosa (Pamela Alster) is attacked, Griswold transforms into Kabukiman, wielding tons of Asian-inspired powers and weaponry. Unfortunately, Connie gets killed, Griswold is suspended, and it seems like Stuart has gotten away with it all. With some help from the nubile Lotus (Susan Byun), Griswold harnesses his powers to fulfill his destiny!

     

    Review

    Despite having a troubled production, Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. is much more fun and enjoyable than one would expect. First off, while not as iconic as Toxie, Kabukiman is still a uniquely fun character that works on his own. Not only does he have a very colorful design, but his goofy demeanor and random abilities add to his charm. Also, Rick Gianasi makes for a flawed but likable lead as Detective Griswold, as well as playing a cartoonish character. With its darkly-lit night scenes and even some line deliveries, it feels like a parody of 1989’s Batman at times. Even the scene transitions playfully reference the scene transitions in the 1960’s TV series, adding to the cartoony feel. What also makes it funny is how much of the cast play it straight, especially Susan Byun and Bill Weeden. They feel like they’re plucked from a mainstream superhero movie.

    Admittedly, some of the production problems mentioned before do creep their way in, though it doesn’t hurt the film. For instance, a fight scene will be goofy and silly, but then someone’s head will get stomped on. Also, there’s a fair amount of nudity here and there, and even an attempted rape scene, causing some tonal dissonance. Granted, violence and nudity mixed with cartoonish humor are Troma’s bread and butter, but here, there’s an odd disconnect. Still, the film is relatively tame compared to movies like The Toxic Avenger and Class of Nuke ‘Em High. While I think the original Toxie is perfect for Troma beginners, this might be better for those more squeamish. In terms of comparing this to Troma’s other films, this lies somewhere between the Toxie and Nuke ‘Em High sequels. Overall, Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. is a fun superhero spoof worth investigating.

     

    Buy Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3cVsbNt

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  • There’s Nothing Out There (1991)

    There’s Nothing Out There (1991)

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    At an early age, Rolfe Kanefsky was drawn to films starting with his love of the Abbott & Costello movies. Recognizing his aspirations, his father, editor Victor Kanefsky, got him a job working at Troma before he entered college. He worked as a production assistant on Troma’s War, which gave him a taste of how tough filmmaking can be. While in high school, Rolfe saw the Siskel & Ebert “Women in Danger” special, where they criticized popular slasher films. Rolfe wondered how easy writing a teen exploitation film was, so he watched tons of horror films and started writing. He started getting frustrated at all the tropes and cliches, so he decided to make it a self-referential horror-comedy. With help from his parents, Rolfe was able to amass $100,000 to film what became his feature-film debut. Shot in 1989, There’s Nothing Out There finally saw release in 1992.

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    Synopsis

    For their Spring Break, a group of high school students decides to go to a house by the lake. One of them, a horror buff named Mike (Craig Peck), is paranoid and thinks the worst may happen. While his friend Nick (John Carhart III) puts up with him, the rest of the group is annoyed to death. Unbeknownst to them, a small alien creature is roaming through the woods and is making its way to the house. After getting into a fight with the lunkheaded Jim (Mark Collver), Mike gets locked in the basement for the night. Soon enough, the creature makes its way to the house and starts picking off the teens one by one. Thankfully, Mike makes his way back to the house after breaking out and helps the survivors fend off the creature. They’re gonna needs tons of shaving cream to survive against the creature!

     

    Review

    There’s Nothing Out There is a clever horror-comedy that manages to achieve that perfect balance between the two genres. What helps is that the movie remembers to be a horror film first and have the comedy be secondary. This could work as a standard creature-feature, but the addition of the Mike character makes it an effective spoof. It also helps that the film doesn’t talk down to its audience or seem insulting to the horror genre. Speaking of Mike, Craig Peck does a great job playing essentially the audience’s avatar, saying what the viewer’s thinking. While he can seem snarky and rude, he comes off as likable since he just wants to keep everyone safe. Also, whether intentional or not, the film seems to make a point about how media consumption can warp someone’s reality. It’s much smarter than you’d expect from a low-budget creature-feature.

    The rest of the cast fit their roles well, though many of them are more the typical horror film archetypes. Thankfully, none of them are particularly annoying or so awful that you’re waiting for them to die. Also, for such a low budget, the creature effects are fairly impressive, the alien creature having a very unique design. What helps is that they hide the creature just enough so you can still see it while still building suspense. There’s plenty of gore and nudity to satiate any fans of exploitation, as well as some great fourth-wall gags. The funniest gag is when a character sees the boom mic and uses it to swing away from the creature. Moments like these help elevate the film past its low-budget trappings into an enjoyable horror-comedy alongside Evil Dead II. Overall, There’s Nothing Out There is worth seeking out.

     

    Buy There’s Nothing Out There on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2Pk7YI3

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  • Class of Nuke ‘Em High 3: The Good, the Bad and the Subhumanoid (1994)

    Class of Nuke ‘Em High 3: The Good, the Bad and the Subhumanoid (1994)

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    Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz enjoyed working with and were trying to make a star out of wrestler-turned-actor Brick Bronsky. He was hired to play the lead in the 1991 sequel Class of Nuke ‘Em High 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown. While The Toxic Avenger sequels were filmed back-to-back, the Class of Nuke ‘Em High sequels were filmed over three years. Both were directed by Eric Louzil, who previously directed Lust for Freedom and Fortress of Amerikkka as previously mentioned. He also produced 1981’s Malibu Hot Summer, which was rereleased as Sizzle Beach USA and featured a then-unknown Kevin Costner. For the sequels, Louzil decided to not follow the original and instead go off in his own direction. Neither had the original cast or filming locations. Class of Nuke ‘Em High 3: The Good, The Bad, And The Subhumanoid was released three years after Part 2.

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    Synopsis

    After the last film, Tromie the Nuclear Squirrel has been dealt with and peace has returned to Tromaville. Meanwhile, Roger Smith (Brick Bronsky) is in the hospital with his girlfriend Victoria (Leesa Rowland) because she’s giving birth. Unbeknownst to him, Dr. Slag, Ph.D. (John Tallman) from the Nukamama Corporation has his eyes set on Roger’s sons. Alongside Professor Melvina Holt (Lisa Gaye) and a new cretin gang, they kidnap his son Dick (Bronsky) after he’s born. Later, Roger’s son Adlai (Bronsky) is born and raised to be good-natured while Dick is raised to be bad. Adlai attends the Tromaville Institute of Technology like his dad and has a girlfriend named Trish (Lisa Star). Soon, Dr. Slag, Ph.D.’s plan comes to fruition when Dick wreaks havoc on Tromaville, and Adlai is blamed for it. Will Adlai be able to stop Dr. Slag, Ph.D., or will Tromaville become a nuclear stockpile?

     

    Review

    Class of Nuke ‘Em High 3: The Good, The Bad, And The Subhumanoid is more of the same from before. It’s got the same goofy sound effects, the same obvious ADR, the same emphasis on T&A over gore, etc. Interestingly, this film was apparently based on Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors, though with that extra Troma touch. Bronsky, though not a terrible actor, is clearly stretching it with having to play three roles at once. He’s surprisingly pretty intense as Dick, though it seems like he might be trying too hard at being intimidating. As Adlai, he’s basically repeating his performance as Roger from the last film, even wearing the same outfit. When he’s playing Roger, who’s also the mayor, has some fun moments getting to free up some more. Though he’s not the best actor, it’s a shame his acting career never took off after these two films.

    Lisa Gaye, much like Toxic Avenger 2 & 3 and Class of Nuke ‘Em High 2, is wonderfully over-the-top. She spends most of the runtime either smoking a cigar or eating snacks, but she still has some fun moments. John Tallman delivers a surprisingly straight-laced performance as Dr. Slag, Ph.D., mostly underacting though still coming off as mildly intense. Effects-wise, it’s what you’ve come to expect from a Troma film: tons of melting, goop, and rubber suits. What stands out the most are the subhumanoids, which have unique animal-like designs, such as a wolf, a lizard, etc. Also noteworthy is that this would be the first appearance of Ron Jeremy, who would become a Troma regular. While it has its moments, there are better Troma films to start with. Overall, Class of Nuke ‘Em High 3: The Good, The Bad, And The Subhumanoid is average at best.

     

    Buy Class of Nuke ‘Em High 3: The Good, The Bad, And The Subhumanoid from Amazon: https://amzn.to/31cofks

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  • Pigs (1973)

    Pigs (1973)

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    Marc Lawrence was a very prolific character actor who had been working in the industry since the 1930s. Unfortunately, his career was hit during the McCarthy era, when he was forced to give the names of supposed Communists. During this time, he moved to Europe where he continued getting work until the McCarthy era ended in the 1970s. Upon his return, he decided that he would try being a filmmaker, having studied the many directors he worked with. He settled on making a horror film since it’s the cheapest to produce and the easiest to make money on. On a relatively low budget, he cast his daughter, actress Toni Lawrence, in the lead role for a 10-day shoot. Originally released in 1973, the film was re-released with various titles, including Daddy’s Deadly Darling and The Strange Love Exorcist. With that backstory covered, let’s talk about Marc Lawrence’s Pigs.

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    Synopsis

    A mysterious woman named Lynn Hart (Toni Lawrence) is driving through the desert when stumbles upon a ramshackle motel/diner. There, she meets the owner Zambrini (Marc Lawrence), a former circus performer, and he decides to offer her a job. She works as a waitress at his diner while also staying at the motel rent-free. One night, she ends up killing a lecherous local, and after finding out, Zambrini feeds the body to his pigs. Turns out Zambrini’s pigs have acquired a taste for human flesh, so he has to keep feeding them dead bodies. The sudden disappearance catches the attention of Sheriff Dan Cole (Jesse Vint), who starts wondering where Lynn came from. Jess Winter (Jim Antonio), a private investigator, arrives to look into Lynn’s history, but they find more than initially thought. Just who is this mystery woman, and who will be the next meal for the pigs?

     

    Review

    Like many low-budget 1970s drive-in flicks, Pigs is very rough around the edges and not the most professionally made. However, its low-budget nature adds to the homegrown charm of the production, especially given that this was a family affair. Directing-wise, Marc Lawrence won’t be considered a “master of horror”, but his direction is competent and adds some tension. There are tons of harsh zooms and uncomfortable close-ups that add a general sense of unease to the film. Acting-wise, Marc Lawrence gives a solid performance as a man who clearly has his own personal demons to deal with. Though he’s feeding corpses to his pigs, it comes across that he doesn’t like doing it and feels somewhat ashamed. Lawrence was always known for playing a background heavy, so this was a chance for him to branch out. In that sense, he mostly succeeds at portraying a somewhat sympathetic character.

    Toni Lawrence, though cast because her father was the director, really shines as the beautiful yet deadly Lynn Hart. Like her father, she does a good job playing a character struggling with her demons and a troubled past. It helps that you don’t know what her story is, what her motives are, and what led her to this. Admittedly, the title’s a bit of a misnomer in that while there are pigs, it’s not a killer pig movie. It’s more of a character study that explores mental illness if left unchecked, and how past traumas can affect us. The rest of the cast is serviceable if forgettable, although Jesse Vint and Jim Antonio stand out in their roles. Also, Charles Bernstein’s minimalist score adds to the tension, and his theme song gives a sense of despair. Overall, Pigs isn’t what you think it is, but it’s worth a watch.

     

    Buy Pigs from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3eJJOkC

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  • The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie (1989)

    The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie (1989)

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    When Troma started working on a sequel to The Toxic Avenger, times were admittedly tough for the studio. After the failure of Troma’s War, the studio had been blacklisted from Hollywood and relegated to much smaller fare. While they had a $2 million budget, Troma founder Lloyd Kaufman got overly ambitious with his toxic sequel. The original cut of the sequel was four hours long, so naturally, they had to split it in half. The first half was released as The Toxic Avenger Part II in February 1989 while the second half continued. Though the last film was made primarily in Tokyo, this one would return to New York and New Jersey. Much of the cast and crew returned, and Mark Torgl from the original was supposed to return, but he declined. Finally, November 1989 saw the release of The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie.

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    Synopsis

    After running Apocalypse Inc out of Tromaville, the Toxic Avenger (Ron Fazio) has become depressed despite bringing peace to Tromaville. While failing at getting work, Toxie and his blind girlfriend Claire (Phoebe Legere) find a way to restore her eyesight. Unfortunately, the procedure costs more than they can afford, but hope comes when Toxie gets a job opportunity. This comes from Apocalypse Inc, whose Chairman (Rick Collins) offers Toxie money for Claire’s surgery in exchange for his services. He accepts the offer, much to the shock of the Tromaville citizens, who feel betrayed by their so-called hero. Things get worse once Toxie’s ego inflates, and soon he sees how the citizens of Tromaville have rejected him. Toxie eventually learns the error of his ways, works to restore the people’s trust and confronts the Chairman. It’s soon revealed that the Chairman is The Devil himself, and Toxie has to stop him.

     

    Review

    The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie, like its predecessor, has problems but is still fun. From its opening sequence at a video store to the showdown with The Devil, you’re in for a wild ride. Speaking of which, while the opening sequence seems out of place, it’s a great showcase of some cartoonishly grisly effects. Guts are ripped out, faces are erased, arms are crushed in a VCR, and heads are ripped off via mop. Admittedly, the film starts dragging after the opening sequence, especially when they start using stock footage from the last film. The story picks up significantly once Toxie confronts the Chairman/Devil, but there’s only about a half-hour left by then. At slightly under an hour and 45 minutes, the film feels padded and dragged out to reach feature-length. That said, this still provides everything that a Troma fan could ask for.

    Ron Fazio gives another solid performance as Toxie, clearly having fun as the loveable creature of superhuman size and strength. Phoebe Legere is an over-the-top ditz with her performance, though she gets to show off more of her musical talents. Like before, Rick Collins and Lisa Gaye give wonderfully hammy performances as the villains, Rick getting more screentime this time. The scene where he transforms into The Devil is grisly and horrific, just what you’d expect from a Troma film. Michael Jai White and Troma regular Joe Fleishaker make appearances, but they’re relegated to the background with hardly any lines. There are some fun fourth wall jokes thrown in for good measure, though they can sometimes be distracting. Like the last film, this is a bit of a mess, but it’s still a good time. Overall, The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie is enjoyable schlock.

     

    Buy The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3kDg2P6

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  • The Children (1980)

    The Children (1980)

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    Carlton J. Albright and Edward Terry were working on ideas for a horror film and they found some unusual inspiration. Being parents themselves, they saw children as being smothering and suffocating, so they thought that would work as something terrifying. Around the same time, the Three Mile Island incident happened, so they decided to incorporate that into the story. Originally, Terry was set to direct, but he had issues with alcohol, and Albright didn’t feel he would work. Instead, he hired Max Kalmanowicz to direct, though much of the cast and crew found him difficult to worth with. Much of the cast was comprised of relatively unknown actors, the biggest star being Martin Shakar from Saturday Night Fever. Around the same time, Sean Cunningham was filming Friday the 13th using the same crew, including composer Harry Manfredini. In June of 1980, The Children was released to drive-ins.

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    Synopsis

    In the New England town of Ravensback, a school bus of kids drives through a cloud of toxic gas. Local sheriff Billy Hart (Gil Rogers) finds the bus abandoned and orders that the town be locked down. The sheriff goes around town trying to find the kids and asking their parents if they’ve seen them. Soon enough, the kids are found, but it turns out they’ve become zombies who are deadly to the touch. As Sheriff Hart and John Freemont (Martin Shakar) are driving around town, the children make quick work of the adults. Their victims include the local shopkeeper Molly (Shannon Bolin), Deputy Harry Timmons (Tracy Griswold), and his girlfriend Suzie (Joy Glaccum). Eventually, the children start closing in on John’s pregnant wife Cathy (Gale Garnett), so he and Hart defend the house. Will they stop the children, or will they become their next victims?

     

    Review

    The Children had the potential to be a fun, trashy exploitation film, but it sadly squanders that potential. The idea of killer radioactive kids is a novel concept, and their pale-faced look is pretty creepy. Also, for a low-budget film, the melting effects are fairly decent, offering some fun cheese to the proceedings. Some shots here and there make the kids especially creepy, such as a shot of their reflection in a window. Plus, this is one of those rare films that isn’t afraid of killing kids, though perhaps a little too much. The plot is pretty straightforward and simple, almost playing like a slight knock-off of Night of the Living Dead. Given the message they went for, parents will probably relate to feeling like their kids are smothering them to death. I’m sure young parents will especially feel the sentiment, like their lives are consumed by their kids.

    Unfortunately, other than the concept and a decent score from Harry Manfredini, the film doesn’t have much else to offer. Even at roughly 90 minutes, the film has very slow pacing, much of it amounting to exploring empty houses. Aside from the occasional scene of kids killing people with radioactive hugs, the film is littered with boring filler scenes. It doesn’t help either that much of the acting is very middle-of-the-road, neither particularly good nor bad, just unmemorable. Plus, there aren’t really any characters to get attached to, aside from probably the Sheriff and John. While they have a creepy look, the kids don’t do much other than stumbling around with their arms out. Like I said before, this could’ve been a fun trashy exploitation film, but it doesn’t deliver on what it had. Overall, The Children isn’t terrible, but it’s hardly what I’d call a horror classic.

     

    Buy The Children from Amazon: https://amzn.to/2ZhwD1e

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  • Class of Nuke ‘Em High 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown (1991)

    Class of Nuke ‘Em High 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown (1991)

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    Released in 1986, Class of Nuke ‘Em High was another major hit for Troma Entertainment, still vying for mainstream status. Unfortunately, following the disastrous release of Troma’s War, Troma had to majorly restructure themselves to try and stay afloat. One attempt they made to try and appeal to mainstream audiences was Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D., but that was a failure. While working on that film, Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz noticed wrestler-turned-actor Jeffrey Beltzner under the pseudonym Brick Bronsky. They liked him so much that they offered him the lead role in an upcoming sequel to their ’86 hit. They hired Eric Louzil, who previously directed Lust for Freedom and Fortress of Amerikkka and produced Sizzle Beach USA. However, rather than being a direct sequel, Louzil decided to make his own standalone film separate from the original. In 1991, Class of Nuke ‘Em High 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown was released.

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    Synopsis

    The Tromaville nuclear reactor has been rebuilt by the Nukamama Corporation, who’ve incorporated it into a new college. Dubbed the Tromaville Institute of Technology (T.I.T.), student Roger Smith (Brick Bronsky) is an aspiring reporter for the college paper. Unbeknownst to him, the science teacher Professor Holt (Lisa Gaye) is creating an army of subhumanoids for the Nukamama Corporation. While she has noble intentions, Dean Okra (Scott Resnick) wants to use the subhumanoids for the corporation’s nefarious deeds. During a sexual experiment, Roger meets and falls in love with Victoria (Leesa Rowland), who turns out is a subhumanoid. Also, it turns out the subhumanoids are melting down, meaning that Victoria will meet the same fate. With time running out and the school in chaos, Roger must find a way to save his new girlfriend. It’s a subhumanoid meltdown coming on through, and we’re dead anyway, so let’s fall to a goo!

     

    Review

    Class of Nuke ‘Em High 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown is a bit of a disjointed mess, but it’s a fun mess. Even though it wasn’t directed by Lloyd Kaufman, this still feels like a typical Troma film in style and tone. There’s plenty of nudity, gore, and overall craziness to satisfy the most hardcore Troma fans, but at a cost. The film’s biggest problem is the pacing, as it takes a good 30-40 minutes for the plot to kick in. Many scenes in the film feel like isolated skits that have nothing to do with the overall movie. Granted, Troma films aren’t really known for having deep, intricate plots, but it’s hard to stay interested when it drags. Also, with some exceptions, none of the characters are particularly memorable, including The Squirrels, this movie’s version of The Cretins. Aside from their wacky appearances, they don’t do much.

    That said, there are some bright spots in the cast, particularly Brick Bronsky, Lisa Gaye, Leesa Rowland, and Scott Resnick. Bronsky acts as the film’s straight man, and he works thanks to his charisma, humor, and impressive physique. It’s easy to see how Kaufman and Herz saw potential in Bronsky to become a star in his own right. Returning from The Toxic Avenger Part II, Lisa Gaye is once again hamming up her role with glee. Scott Resnick is pretty fun as the corrupt yet unusually high-pitched dean, and Leesa Rowland has solid chemistry with Bronsky. The finale is easily the best part of the movie, as there’s tons of destruction, chaos, and mayhem. Plus, we get the introduction of the fan-favorite character Tromie the Radioactive Squirrel, though it only slightly validates the film. Overall, Class of Nuke ‘Em High 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown is an enjoyable if disjointed mess.

     

    Buy Class of Nuke ‘Em High 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown from Amazon: https://amzn.to/2NM52mf

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  • Luther the Geek (1989)

    Luther the Geek (1989)

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    While at the dinner table, writer/producer Carlton J. Albright was talking with his children about geeks, specifically circus geeks. In the early 1900s, geeks were circus performers who would bite the heads of chickens to get some cheap booze. The idea intrigued Albright, so he teamed up with producing partner David Platt and wrote a screenplay as “Whitey Styles”. Albright decided to film in Illinois and hiring students from the University of Iowa’s film department for the crew. For the title role, Albright hired Edward Terry, who he had previously worked with on The Children in 1980. The special effects were handled by William Purcell (RoboCop) and Mike Tristano (Evil Dead II), who chose to go uncredited. Following a limited release in 1989, the film got a VHS release in the early 90s before Troma released it. Originally titled The Freak, let’s take a look at Luther the Geek.

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    Synopsis

    In rural Illinois in 1938, young Luther (Carlton Williams) is taken to see the local geek show and becomes obsessed. After losing his teeth as a child, he gets a set of metal teeth and becomes a geek himself. Years later, an adult Luther (Edward Terry) is released from prison on parole after serving time for murder. Soon after, he makes his way to a grocery store, where he attacks and kills an old woman. While trying to escape the authorities, he hops in the back of a car driven by local Hilary (Joan Roth). Once at her house, Luther ties her up and holds her hostage when her daughter Beth (Stacy Haiduk) arrives. With her boyfriend Rob (Thomas Mills), she and her mother become Luther’s next would-be victims along with their chickens. A local trooper (J. Joseph Clarke) arrives, but will he save them from Luther the Geek?

     

    Review

    By splatter film standards, Luther the Geek doesn’t do much to differentiate itself from the rest of them. What makes this one stand out is its central character of a circus geek who clucks about like a chicken. Edward Terry easily gives the best performance in the film as Luther as he’s clearly fully committed to the role. With dialogue mostly consisting of chicken noises, he comes off as terrifying and sadistic, yet strangely sympathetic in a way. While the film never endorses what he’s doing, you can’t help but feel bad given his obvious mental condition. Then again, this film isn’t interested in the character’s psychology, but rather going for the jugular both literally and figuratively. For splatter fans, there’s plenty of blood spilling and flesh ripping to please fans looking for something messy. It helps that the gore effects are, mostly, really good considering the low budget.

    Aside from Terry, the rest of the acting is about what you’d expect from a low budget B-movie. None of the performances are downright awful, but many of them are somewhat bland and forgettable, though they’re clearly trying. Joan Roth is alright as the captive mother, and future TV actress Stacy Haiduk enhances the film with her “assets”. At roughly 80 minutes, the film goes by pretty quickly and there are never any dull moments dragging it down. Even if the script is super thin, Albright manages to at least make the film visually interesting and well-paced. This is what I’d call a “party movie”, the kind that’s best enjoyed with friends and plenty of booze. While there’s nothing remarkable about the film, it’s definitely an interesting entry in Troma’s catalog, even if it’s a pickup. Overall, Luther the Geek is a gory shocker worth at least a one-time watch.

     

    Buy Luther the Geek on Amazon: https://amzn.to/38TVrlC

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