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Category: Cult Films

  • Robot Holocaust (1987)

    Robot Holocaust (1987)

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    As stated in previous reviews, Charles Band formed Wizard Video after being forced out of Meda (later Media) Home Entertainment. Band released several oddball exploitation films through this label, including Zombie, The Driller Killer, and The Boogeyman. In addition to acquiring the distribution rights for foreign cinema, Band made some in-house productions, including compilations and direct-to-video movies. Except for The Best of Sex and Violence and Psychos In Love, most of these were pretty dreadful. Enter Tim Kincaid, the New York-based adult filmmaker who transitioned to mainstream movies with Bad Girls Dormitory. Kincaid and Band made a deal where Tim would produce several low-budget genre films for Wizard Video, starting with Breeders. His next film for Band became arguably his most infamous for appearing on the second season of Mystery Science Theater 3000. That movie would be the 1987 post-apocalyptic sci-fi film Robot Holocaust.

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    Synopsis

    Society has all but collapsed after a robot revolution that took place in the far future of 2033. The remaining humans are either slaves to the robots and their leader, The Dark One, or nomads roaming the wasteland. The Dark One is an advanced computer aided by the human Valaria (Angelika Jager) and the robot Torque (Rick Gianasi). A scientist named Jorn (Michael Downend) is imprisoned since he’s the only one who can stop The Dark One. His daughter Deeja (Nadine Hart) searches for someone to help rescue him and finds a drifter named Neo (Norris Culf). With his robot sidekick Kylton (Joel Van Ornsteiner), Neo agrees to help and gathers other drifters to aid them. With humanity’s fate at stake, our heroes must trek across the New York ruins to stop The Dark One. It’s man versus machine as the two sides clash in this robot holocaust!

     

    Review

    Much like his 1986 movie Breeders, Robot Holocaust sounds like it’ll be a fun watch, but it’s largely uninteresting. Granted, this one is less painful of an experience, but that’s saying little considering what we’re comparing. The biggest problem with this film is that most of it is either exposition dumps or characters just walking. What makes matters worse is that the characters could be more memorable, and the acting could be more exciting, though there are exceptions. On top of being gorgeous, Angelika Jager is the film’s highlight, as she’s chewing up all the scenery. Like before, Ed French’s effects work is decent, given the limited resources he had to work with. While some monsters look like cheap hand-puppets, the robots are pretty cool, especially Torque’s design. That explains why the Blu-Ray cover features him prominently despite not being the central villain.

    Honestly, this movie is hard to review because there’s little to say about it, and I’ve covered almost everything. Another strike against the film is the constant narration explaining everything we see as if we’re blind. It makes Harrison Ford’s narration in Blade Runner sound profound by comparison, and that was a great movie. The film reuses music from other Charles Band productions like Laserblast, which is fitting since it was also on MST3K. I’d almost prefer watching that movie instead since it at least had stop-motion aliens, explosions, and Eddie Deezen. While it does get slightly more exciting in the last 20 minutes, it’s hardly worth the first 50. The movie clocks in at roughly 80 minutes and feels like the longest 80 minutes imaginable. Overall, Robot Holocaust is less “so bad it’s good” but more “so boring it’s bad.”

     

    Buy Robot Holocaust from Amazon: https://amzn.to/43w5ZR9.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Netherworld (1992)

    Netherworld (1992)

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    After directing the original Puppet Master in 1989, David Schmoeller was experiencing a high point in his career. In 1991, Schmoeller helmed The Arrival, his first non-Charles Band production since 1982’s The Seduction nearly killed his career. Around this time, Schmoeller was attached to numerous projects that never got made for one reason or another. He was initially supposed to direct Whispers & Shadows, a sexual thriller for Full Moon, with David Decoteau producing. Band ultimately shelved the project because it was so far removed from what Full Moon was known for. Instead, Band assigned Schmoeller to a film that Ted Nicolaou was supposed to direct before helming Subspecies. The movie was shot in New Orleans with Adolfo Bartoli as the cinematographer and Mark Shostrom handling the effects. While initially planned for a January 1992 release, David Schmoeller’s Netherworld hit video store shelves that February.

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    Synopsis

    After his father’s death, Corey Thorton (Michael Bendetti) inherited his estate in Louisiana, though he never really knew him. Cory meets his father’s lawyer, Beauregard Yates, Esq. (Robert Burr), and his housekeeper Mrs. Palmer (Anjanette Comer). He also runs into Mrs. Palmer’s daughter Diane (Holly Floria), who’s overly flirty with Cory despite being younger. While at the estate, Cory is drawn to a local brother run by Mary Magdalene (Alex Datcher). He’s seduced by Delores (Denise Gentile), a prostitute who practices voodoo and is part of a cult of bird people. Cory discovers that his late father, Noah (Robert Sampson), has been working with Delores to bring him back to life. However, the ritual involves removing Cory’s soul and putting his father’s soul in his body. With Diane trying to help him, will Cory overcome Delores’ seductive way, or will he end up in the Netherworld?

     

    Review

    Out of Full Moon’s early catalog, Netherworld has plenty going for it, but not all of it gels together. It’s one of the more story-driven movies from Full Moon, which is ambitious but feels unfocused. Sometimes, it’s hard to follow what’s happening, and while I enjoy a slow burn, it doesn’t build up to anything. For instance, the ghostly flying hand featured on the poster barely plays a role in the movie. Acting-wise, everyone does a fine enough job, but nobody stands out in a good or bad way. Michael Bendetti comes off as a wet blanket, and Holly Floria is the least-convincing pre-teen I’ve ever seen. Denise Gentile and Alex Datcher do their best with the material and easily give the film’s best performances. The worst performance would be Holly Butler as a Marilyn Monroe-inspired prostitute with a cheap blonde wig and ill-fitting voice.

    Since this is a David Schmoeller movie, the film looks great and has excellent cinematography courtesy of Adolfo Bartoli. Mark Shostrom of From Beyond and Evil Dead II fame’s effects are solid, but they’re very minimal. Aside from one petrified corpse, the flying hand, and some creepy masks, there’s not much to see. The score, composed by Bon Jovi’s keyboard player, David Bryan, is probably the most noteworthy thing about the film. Along with some songs from Edgar Winter, the music elevates the film and adds an appropriately moody atmosphere. At under ninety minutes, parts of the film drag quite a bit, making it feel longer than it is. Full Moon completionists will undoubtedly be interested, but casual viewers will likely be bored by the end. Overall, Netherworld isn’t one of the best early Full Moon movies, but at least it’s not for lack of trying.

     

    Buy Netherworld from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3Mpe3Od.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Curse of the Cannibal Confederates (1982)

    Curse of the Cannibal Confederates (1982)

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    After dropping out of the University of Maryland in 1975, Tony Malanowski pursued a career in independent filmmaking. He started Little Warsaw Productions and made his first feature film, Night of Horror, in 1981. Before directing, Malanowski had a small part in Don Dohler’s 1978 sci-fi horror film The Alien Factor. He later was an associate producer and a second unit director on Dohler’s 1982 follow-up Nightbeast. Malanowski decided to remake his 1981 film that same year but with some extra gore, much like Dohler’s follow-up. Most of the cast and crew from Night of Horror returned for this pseudo-remake, including Steve Sandkuhler and Rebecca Bach. Malanowski’s film was released in 1982 as The Curse of the Screaming Dead before Troma acquired the rights decades later. They retitled the movie Curse of the Cannibal Confederates for their 2004 Toxie’s Triple Terror DVD.

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    Synopsis

    Mel (Christopher Gummer), Wyatt (Steve Sandkuhler), and Bill (Jim Ball) are driving on a hunting trip in the southern US. They’re accompanied by their girlfriends Sarah (Rebecca Bach), Lin (Judy Dixon), and Blind Kiyomi (Mimi Ishikawa). While making a stop, Blind Kiyomi hears some strange noises and wants Mel to investigate, leading him toward a graveyard. He finds several items left behind by former Confederate soldiers and takes a diary from one of them. The group sets up camp at night when suddenly several Confederate soldiers rise from the grave as zombies. As the group fights off the Confederate zombies, they run into Deputy Franklin (Bumb Roberts) and Captain Fritz (Richard Ruxton). Neither of the police officers believes their story, but soon the Confederates catch up to them and eat them. Why are these Confederate zombies attacking, and who will survive the Curse of the Cannibal Confederates?

     

    Review

    Curse of the Cannibal Confederates is a brutal movie for me to review because there isn’t much to discuss. I make no exaggerations when I say that this is one of the most boring movies I’ve ever seen. Even Lloyd Kaufman has called this one of the five worst films in the Troma library, which is saying something. I’m not sure what the other four are, though I bet Igor and The Lunatics is one of them. Part of what makes this film so dull is that many shots last longer than they should. Moments like these show how the filmmakers are trying to reach the 90-minute mark. It doesn’t help that there’s no backing music or what sounds like a broken Casio keyboard droning endlessly. The acting is what you’d expect from this kind of movie: either flat or trying too hard to emote.

    This is also a hard movie to watch, either due to the film being overexposed or needing more light. Plus, the audio mixing is so bad that it’s often hard to understand what certain characters are saying. The zombies are pretty laughable; most have tons of white face paint plastered on and wear contemporary clothes. The gore effects aren’t the best, but they’re about on par with a low-budget horror film. Honestly, you could only get some enjoyment from this movie if you had some friends to suffer with. I understand that Night of Horror is even worse, but I don’t want to find out for myself. I agree with Lloyd that this is one of Troma’s worst movies, though I’m not sure why he’d release it. Overall, Curse of the Cannibal Confederates makes Redneck Zombies look like Night of the Living Dead by comparison.

     

    Buy Curse of the Cannibal Confederates from Amazon: https://amzn.to/42HeAjD.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Assault of the Killer Bimbos (1988)

    Assault of the Killer Bimbos (1988)

    [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.21.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]At the 1987 Cannes Film Festival, Charles Band launched a pre-sales campaign for the yet-to-be-filmed Assault of the Killer Bimbos. The title was a hit, so Band hired Gorman Bechard of Psychos in Love and Galactic Gigolo fame to direct. Unfortunately, Bechard’s initial cut was deemed so bad that Band decided to redo the movie entirely. Charlie had David DeCoteau salvage the project, so he hired Anita Rosenberg and Patti Astor to write and direct. Rosenberg and Astor turned in their script, but Empire wasn’t confident, so they had Ted Nicolaou do an extensive rewrite. With a budget of $250,000, this would be Rosenberg’s first feature film, though she was almost replaced during filming. When Empire Pictures got cold feet, they wanted Nicolaou to step in, but he believed in Rosenberg and declined. Ultimately, Anita Rosenberg’s Assault of the Killer Bimbos had a small theatrical run in May 1988.

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    Synopsis

    Lulu (Elizabeth Kaitan) is a waitress at a go-go club who aspires to be a dancer. With encouragement from her friend, go-go dancer Peaches (Christina Whitaker), Lulu hits the stage but gets booed off. To make matters worse, a sleazy gangster named Big Vinnie (Mike Muscat) kills their boss and frames them for it. The girls decide to flee to Mexico to escape law enforcement until they figure out what to do next. Along the way, they pick up a diner waitress, Darlene (Tammara Souza), who agrees to help them. The girls get into car chases with cops, run into three stoner surfers, and wind up at a fleabag motel. While holding up at the motel, the girls run into Vinnie, who’s there with his girlfriend Poodles (Patti Astor). Vinnie thinks he’s in the clear until he encounters the Assault of the Killer Bimbos!

     

    Review

    Despite how sleazy the title sounds, Assault of the Killer Bimbos is light-hearted and less exploitative than expected. Sure, there is some nudity, but for the most part, the female leads keep all their clothes on. Also, contrary to the title, the “bimbos” aren’t killers, nor do they go on an assault. Even if the title doesn’t accurately represent the film, it seems fitting for how wacky and silly it is. B-movie staple Elizabeth Kaitan is as adorable as ever and has fantastic chemistry with Christina Whitaker. Tammara Souza is an excellent addition to the group, though she doesn’t fit what most would call a “bimbo.” It’s also worth noting that this features a relatively-unknown Nick Cassavetes as a stoner/surfer who becomes Kaitan’s love interest. He’s not bad, but I highly doubt the director of The Notebook talks about this movie much.

    If the plot sounds familiar, that’s probably because it resembles Ridley Scott’s 1991 film Thema & Louise. Supposedly, the producers of Assault tried suing the makers of Thelma & Louise but withdrew due to legal costs. I’m not saying Scott or Callie Khouri intentionally ripped this off, but it’s a strange coincidence. As for this movie, it’s an interestingly feminist-centric road adventure with some light comedy and various hijinks. Admittedly, several of the jokes don’t land, but a few chuckle-worthy moments are sprinkled in. The movie tends to slow down whenever the stoner surfers are introduced, as they feel out of place. At 85 minutes, the film moves briskly, though a few slow spots could’ve been trimmed. Overall, Assault of the Killer Bimbos might not be what you expect, but it’s a decent watch. Sadly, the same can’t be said for its sister film, but that’s for another day.

     

    Buy Assault of the Killer Bimbos from Amazon: https://amzn.to/4ffBKEI.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Klown Kamp Massacre (2010)

    Klown Kamp Massacre (2010)

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    Growing up in the suburbs of Albuquerque, friends Philip H.R. Gunn and David Carlos Valdez found ways to avoid boredom. At some point, Valdez’s mother gave him a camcorder which he and Gunn used to shoot various short films. Their first homemade feature was 1994’s Edwin: The Tragic Story of the Clown Who Couldn’t Make Anybody Laugh. Over the years, the two worked together on numerous short projects before they decided to try making a feature film. Being huge fans of horror films like Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street, they decided on that. They took the character Edwin and put him in a slasher film where he goes around killing other clowns. On a shoestring budget, filming lasted 15 days on a cattle ranch outside Cuba, NM, in 2009. Troma acquired the rights the following year and released Klown Kamp Massacre on DVD.

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    Synopsis

    In 1991, Edwin the Clown (Jared Herholtz) went on a murder spree at Clown Camp and was never found. It’s now 15 years later, and the camp’s owner, Bonzo (Mike Miller), has decided to reopen despite the horrible tragedy. Brothers Vinnie (Nick Lopez) and Lenny (Reuben Finkelstein) decide to attend along with Tipsy (Matt Sanford) and Brandi (Tara Hahn). Also arriving are Philbert (Ross Kelly), Puff (Chris Payne), Squirts (Sandor Gattyan), Buzter Pie (Isaac Kappy), and Gerald (Daniel Gutierrez). These clowns are put through the wringer in learning to be funny, unaware that Edwin has returned to kill. While all this is happening, a romance between Philbert and Bonzo’s granddaughter Valerie (Kerri Duabe) starts blossoming. Unfortunately for our lovebirds, their fellow clowns are stabbed, shredded, beaten, melted, and even blown up increasingly gruesomely. Who will be the next victim and survive this Klown Kamp Massacre?

     

    Review

    If you go into a movie called Klown Kamp Massacre expecting an intelligent, thought-provoking experience, look elsewhere. Gunn and Valdez wanted to make a goofy film about a clown killing other clowns, and that’s what we get. This movie isn’t trying to be the next great horror movie; there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, an 84-minute slasher about clowns getting killed in absurdly gruesome ways is all you need. To the filmmakers’ credit, they accomplished quite a lot with a minimal budget, like impressive practical effects and decent camerawork. Two kills in particular that stand out involve a seltzer bottle filled with acid and an exploding pie. Also, the night scenes are filled with fog and colored lighting, giving them a spooky feeling. Plus, a few dynamic camera angles help keep the action moving without getting too overwhelming. Gunn and Valdez show a lot of potential here.

    Given the subject matter, the acting is intentionally goofy, and while it isn’t great, there are a few standouts. Jared Herholtz sells the part of a struggling clown who ended up snapping because he couldn’t be funny. Kerri Duabe is likable as Valerie, who gets a whole backstory about childhood abuse, which adds some depth. Granted, this kind of film trying to handle such a sensitive subject might seem distasteful, so proceed with caution. Admittedly, most of the humor is pretty juvenile, relying on gross-out gags and sex jokes, but that’s Troma for you. The ending threw me for a loop without going into spoilers, so I must give them credit. As I alluded to early on, this isn’t the next great horror film, but it’s not trying to be. Overall, Klown Kamp Massacre is one of those movies best enjoyed with friends and your ideal substances.

     

    Buy Klown Kamp Massacre from Amazon: https://amzn.to/40BxdUL.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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    Where to watch Klown Kamp Massacre (2010)

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  • Dr. Alien (1989)

    Dr. Alien (1989)

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    Unfortunately, by 1988, Empire Pictures was on the verge of bankruptcy after a series of box office failures. Additionally, the studio owed a substantial debt to Crédit Lyonnais, and they were threatening to buy the studio’s assets. During this period, Scott Spiegel’s Intruder and J.F. Lawton’s Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death were in production. David DeCoteau, who directed three movies for Empire, was making a new film with effects artist/writer Kenneth J. Hall. Originally titled I Was a Teenage Sex Mutant, filming commenced in LA for 19 days during the 1988 Writer’s Strike. During production, DeCoteau got word that Empire was going bankrupt but continued filming since the banks were unaware. After Empire folded, Charles Band founded Full Moon Features, using DeCoteau’s movie to strike a deal with Paramount Pictures. The agreement was made, and Paramount released DeCoteau’s film, now retitled Dr. Alien, in 1989.

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    Synopsis

    Wesley Littlejohn (Billy Jacoby) is your average nerdy high schooler who’s constantly picked on and can’t get a girl. His best friend, Marvin (Stuart Fratkin), pressures him to talk to his crush Leanne (Olivia Barash), but he fumbles. Little do they know that they have a new biology teacher, Ms. Xenobia (Judy Landers), who’s more than she seems. She has Wesley stay after class for an experiment that involves her assistant, Drax (Raymond O’Connor), injecting him with “vitamins.” However, it turns out the vitamins make a weird growth sprout from Wesley’s head that makes him irresistible to women. This boosts Wesley’s confidence, leading him to change his wardrobe and sing in a metal band. He even gets to go out with Leanne, but his magnetism for women makes her think he’s cheating on her. On top of it all, Ms. Xenobia is an alien trying to repopulate her homeworld!

     

    Review

    Let’s get this out of the way: Dr. Alien is a dumb, somewhat sexist movie that hasn’t aged well. That being said, this is a surprisingly funny sci-fi sex comedy that’s way more enjoyable than you’d expect. Sure, the whole “nerdy guy gains confidence, stands up to bullies, and gets the girl” story is tired and cliche. However, David DeCoteau manages to take that material and inject it with a self-aware tone that homages 50s Corman movies. While there’s plenty of nudity, foul language, and sexual innuendos, the overall film has a feel-good nature to it. It doesn’t feel mean-spirited or vile, but like you’re meant to have as much fun as the cast is having. Some of the jokes don’t quite land, but some moments had me chuckling throughout, thanks to the dry delivery. Plus, all the topless women certainly kept my attention.

    Cinematographer Nicholas Von Sternberg’s stylish filming and Greg Cannom’s lo-fi makeup effects enhance the film beyond its meager budget. Billy Jacoby can get a bit whiny as the nerd, but he’s likable and has a great character arc. Stuart Fratkin is funny as Wesley’s opportunistic friend, who comes off a bit pervy, but the movie calls him out. On top of looking gorgeous, Judy Landers is fun to watch with her doe-eyed expression and soft voice. Raymond O’Connor is delightfully creepy, Olivia Barash is cute, and the rest of the cast all do a fine job. Also, cult film fans should watch for appearances from Linnea Quigley, Troy Donahue, Ginger Lynn, Michelle Bauer, and Edy Williams. At 90 minutes, the movie gets in and out fairly quickly and keeps the action going with plenty of shenanigans. Overall, Dr. Alien is stupid, but it’s an enjoyable kind of stupid.

     

    Buy Dr. Alien from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3LmBQh4.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong (2011)

    Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong (2011)

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    Like the original, Evil Bong 2: King Bong was a hit for Full Moon Features, so a sequel was inevitable. After the release of Avatar in 2009, there was a resurgence in 3D, and Charles Band wanted in on it. Band hadn’t made a 3D movie since Parasite 3D and Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn, so this was exciting. Unfortunately, he lacked those movies’ budgets, but luckily, cinematographer Thomas L. Calloway, aka Terrance Ryker, had a solution. Calloway had previously worked on the 3D film Long Day Journey, so that they could rent the equipment from that production. Full Moon held a writing contest, with the winner being video game reviewer Patrick Klepek. He sent them a complete outline, which they turned into the script, though he was given a writing credit. Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong had a small theatrical run in 2011, complete with scratch-and-sniff cards.

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    Synopsis

    Stoners Brett (Brian Lloyd) and Bachman (Mitch Eakins) are running their weed shop when a weird guy (Irwin Keyes) arrives. He found a strange alien bong near a crashed meteor and wants to sell it to them. They take it but notice an abnormal growth on his body and that the Alien Bong (Circus-Szalewski) can speak. The guys get Larnell (John Patrick Jordan) and Allistair (Peter Stickles) to help, but that’s not enough. Larnell calls Gramps (Jacob Witkin), now a weed doctor working with Nurse Hookah (Christina DeRosa), to try and help. He brings the Evil Bong Eebee (Michelle Mais) to try communicating with the Alien Bong, but even she’s perplexed. Soon, the guys are sent to the Alien Bong’s homeworld, where some foxy aliens try sucking their essence dry. Will our heroes stop this alien invasion, or will the Alien Bong be able to take over the world?

     

    Review

    If you’ve seen the first movies, you’ve more or less seen Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong. I’m not exaggerating when I say this is like the last one, but swap the jungle for outer space. While much of the cast is the same, Alistair is recast again, changing Brett Chukerman for Peter Stickles. Compared to Chukerman, Stickles plays the part more like a stereotypical nerd like David Weidoff in the original. Unfortunately, he’s not given much to do here, which might explain why he didn’t return for the later sequels. The rest of the cast plays their parts like before, with Jacob Witkin again being the highlight. Robin Sydney has a few scenes, but she’s another standout as the snobby and airheaded Luann. Also, Sonny Carl Davis looks like he’s having a good time, especially in the alien world.

    Michelle Mais is as crass and loud as Eebee, and Circus-Szalewski makes for a great contrast as the Alien Bong. He gives an appropriately stern and intellectual tone, which reminded me of Jeffrey Combs’ performance in Re-Animator. The late great Irwin Keyes is memorable in his small role, and it’s a shame he disappears after twenty minutes. You can tell these movies are getting cheaper when you look at the sets, just some tiny rooms. The alien world is just a black room with a few props and topless women with body paint. The Alien Bong prop has a unique look with its large horns and pupilless green eyes. Several spots drag at slightly under ninety minutes, and I can’t imagine 3D making this better. Overall, Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong has its moments, but the same tired material is repeated.

     

    Buy Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3L0eVrP.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Necropolis (1987)

    Necropolis (1987)

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    As I mentioned in my Breeders review, Charles Band hired adult filmmaker Tim Kincaid to produce several direct-to-video movies. These were to be released under Band’s home video label, Wizard Video, which he started after leaving Meda Home Entertainment. While Kincaid was the primary director, he did hire other filmmakers for these projects, like Peter Manoogian for Enemy Territory. Enter Bruce Hickey, a theater actor from Chicago best known for playing Danny Zuko in the original production of Grease. In addition to acting, Hickey directed a few plays, including an adaptation of Hatful of Rain and Fool For Love. At some point, Tim Kincaid contacted him about producing a low-budget horror film shot in New York City. Hickey wrote a screenplay about a 300-year-old witch living in modern times, using cast and crew members from Kincaid’s camp. After a 1986 UK home video premiere, Necropolis got a 1987 US release.

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    Synopsis

    In 1686 New Amsterdam, the satanic witch Eva (LeeAnne Baker) placed a curse on Dawn (Jacquie Fitz) during her wedding. Unfortunately, Eva is killed by the local villagers before the ritual is finished, but not before swearing vengeance. Three hundred years later, Eva returns as a goth biker chick in New York City circa 1986. She uses her powers to rebuild her satanic coven and reclaim a powerful ring imbued by The Devil. After she leaves a trail of bodies, Detective Billy William (Michael Conte) investigates the deaths, which he rules as suicide. However, local reverend Tony (Andrew Bausili) believes the newly reincarnated witch killed these people. Eva can manipulate people’s minds, driving them to either self-harm or sell their souls to Satan. With the help of Detective Williams and Dawn’s descendant, Father Tony sets out to stop the witch for good.

    Review

    Given the outrageous premise, you would expect Necropolis to be a cheesy, fun, low-budget B-movie with plenty of laughs. Unfortunately, the poster and premise massively oversell the actual movie, which is a boring mess with some awful acting. LeeAnne Baker, who previously had minor roles in Breeders, Psychos in Love, and Galactic Gigolo, gets the lead role here. Sadly, it’s easy to see why she had bit parts considering her acting is on par with a bad porno. Seeing her try to be intimidating and seductive with her constant awkward dancing is unintentionally hilarious. It doesn’t help that the rest of the actors are dull and only highlight how horrendously bad Baker is. Granted, the dialogue is so bad that I can’t imagine even a good actor delivering some of these lines convincingly. Given Tim Kincaid’s involvement in this, it’s easy to see where the movie’s priorities lie.

    Like Tim Kincaid’s other productions, Ed French designed the makeup effects again, and they’re easily the best part. While we don’t get to see them much, the zombie followers of Eva look effectively creepy and weird. Also, the six breasts that Eva sprouts occasionally are done well for what it’s worth. Sadly, the same can’t be said for the general filmmaking on display, which is poor all around. So many night scenes are shot so dimly lit that it’s hard to tell what’s happening. Even at an hour and seventeen minutes, the movie drags to where you’ll be begging for the ending. I’ve seen plenty of low-budget films that didn’t have a lot of resources that still look better than this. Overall, Necropolis could’ve been a decently fun exploitation cheapie, but besides some ok makeup effects, it isn’t exciting. Moral of the story: don’t trust a movie’s box art.

     

    Buy Necropolis from Amazon: https://amzn.to/438S3xn.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Story of a Junkie (1985)

    Story of a Junkie (1985)

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    Originally from London, Lech Kowalski moved to the U.S. with his Polish parents, where he spent much of his upbringing. In 1969, Kowalski began experimenting with Super 8 filmmaking and made his first film, The Danger Halls. After surviving a car accident, he moved to New York and studied filmmaking at the School of Visual Arts. In 1976, Kowalski made his first documentary, Sex Stars, about adult film actors he met during this time. Entering the late 1970s, Kowalski became entrenched in the punk scene and attended various clubs, eventually meeting Tom Forcade. In exchange for an editing job, Forcade financed Kowalski’s 1981 documentary D.O.A., about The Sex Pistols’ only U.S. tour. During this time, Kowalski became fascinated by the drug scene in New York’s lower east side. He made the pseudo-documentary Gringo, released by Troma as Story of a Junkie in 1985.

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    Synopsis

    The film mainly follows Gringo (John Spacely), a heroin junkie living in New York’s East Village, going about his day. He talks about what it’s like living on the streets and how the drug dealing business works. As he tells his life story, we see Gringo buying cigarettes, picking up women, and trying to find his fortune. Sprinkled throughout are scenes featuring drug busts, confrontations with dealers, and various drug houses getting raided by the police. These moments are reenactments of stories as told by Gringo taken from his day-to-day life on the New York streets. We also learn about Gringo’s history: how an ordinary family raised him and what led to his downward spiral. He tells us tall tales about losing an eye in a fight and confronting doctors about a botched surgery. Learn more about the life of a drug addict in Story of a Junkie!

     

    Review

    Admittedly, Story of a Junkie is hard to review, not necessarily for its content but for its lack of story. It’s not that nothing happens, but the issue is that there isn’t much in the way of a narrative. The film is more like a series of events than a connected story from point A to point B. While it’s hard to follow, that almost feels intentional, which adds to the sense of realism. Life isn’t like a movie, where there’s a story going from one point to the next in a concise way. You feel like you’re there with Gringo as he goes about his day walking through the lower east side. If nothing else, this film is a great time capsule of New York’s East Village in the 1980s. It’s a unique period we’ll likely never see again, so it’s great to see it preserved.

    The acting isn’t great, but in this film’s defense, none of the people featured were actors but real-life junkies. John Spacely, who plays Gringo, was a heroin addict who tried cleaning himself and pursuing an acting career. Sadly, years of drug abuse and exchanging needles led to his dying of AIDS in 1992. It’s unfortunate because you can see that John had a lot of potential to be a solid actor. Kowalski’s decision to mix documentary footage with reenactments was an interesting choice, blurring the lines between fiction and reality. Also, it’s important to note that the filmmakers don’t try to glamorize or demonize drug abuse but instead be neutral. While this movie won’t be for everyone, it’s still worth a watch for being a look at a bygone age. Overall, Story of a Junkie is sometimes uneven, but it’s a fascinating look worth at least one viewing.

     

    Buy Story of a Junkie from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3ZBiAjO.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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  • Super Mario Bros. (1993)

    Super Mario Bros. (1993)

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    Following the video game crash of 1983, Nintendo brought new life to the industry with the NES in 1985. The console launched with 17 games, including the side-scroller classic Super Mario Bros., which sold over 58 million copies. Around this time, producer/director Roland Joffé gained much attention for his Oscar-nominated films The Killing Fields and The Mission. Seeing the rising popularity of the Mario franchise, Joffé met with Nintendo to discuss adapting the game to film. Through his studio, Lightmotive, Joffé promised Nintendo complete creative control, but they felt the franchise was strong enough for experimentation. The studio hired Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel, the creators of Max Headroom, to direct, though this led to problems. With a cast featuring Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, and Dennis Hopper, and a $48 million budget, Lightmotive had total confidence. In May 1993, Super Mario Bros. went from the TV to the silver screen.

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    Synopsis

    Mario (Bob Hoskins) and Luigi (John Leguizamo) are struggling plumbers in Brooklyn who are close to going out of business. One day, the brothers meet Daisy (Samantha Mathis), an NYU student digging for dinosaur bones under the Brooklyn Bridge. While Mario and Luigi help her with a leak, Daisy is kidnapped by Iggy (Fisher Stevens) and Spike (Richard Edson). The brothers follow her and land in Dinohattan, a parallel version of Manhattan, where humans have evolved from dinosaurs. Iggy and Spike bring Daisy to King Koopa (Dennis Hopper), who wants a meteorite piece she keeps around her neck. Koopa wants the fragment to restore the meteor that struck Earth millions of years ago to merge the dimensions. It’s up to Mario and Luigi to rescue Daisy, retrieve the meteorite piece, and stop Koopa from ruling the dimensions. But this ain’t no game, as the universe hangs in the balance.

     

    Review

    Since its disastrous 1993 release, almost everyone has called Super Mario Bros. one of the worst movies ever. While I wouldn’t call this a good movie, I don’t think it’s as bad as its reputation would suggest. Morton and Jankel might’ve been slightly over their heads, but they certainly had some ambitious ideas. The weird, dystopian, sci-fi setting of Dinohattan is unique and has some interesting details, like baby carriages with eggs. Sure, the Blade Runner-like setting is as far removed from the games as possible, but it’s still fascinatingly weird. Also, even if he hated making the movie, Bob Hoskins was a solid casting choice for a live-action Mario. Like Hoskins, Dennis Hopper may have hated the experience, but he’s entertaining as the over-the-top villain, King Koopa. On the other hand, John Leguizamo was an odd choice for Luigi, but he’s likable enough.

    Aside from how different the film is from the games, the biggest problem is how inconsistent the tone is. While Alan Silvestri is a legendary composer, his lively music doesn’t fit with the grimy, grungy setting of Dinohattan. Given how the dark setting clashes with some of the goofier moments, it’s evident this ran into many production problems. The digital effects range from looking outdated to decent, but they’re better than some late 90s CGI. The film’s best effect is the fully animatronic Yoshi, which looks on par with the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park. At an hour and 44 minutes, the film often forgets specific plot points and drags considerably toward the middle. While it wasn’t the Mario movie audiences wanted, I’m glad it exists as this weird artifact of unhinged 90s filmmaking. Overall, Super Mario Bros. isn’t a good movie, but it’s earned its cult status.

     

    Buy Super Mario Bros. from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3TZyN0Z.

    Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

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    Where to watch Super Mario Bros. (1993)

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